Though the idea of “saving” a marriage sounds dramatic, anyone who has been married for any significant amount of time will tell you, there are highs and there are lows and there are lots of points in between, and if we’re not careful, the lows and in-betweens can tend to dominate. Having a family is a lot of work and we can lose sight of the joys of it all. And as my mom says, we have to be reminded from time to time, that the reason we got together in the first place was because we couldn’t stand to be apart.
But sometimes we forget. And we can dabble in the blame-game or the take-everything-personally game or some other game that just doesn’t bring a lot of fun and joy with it.
So this past month, my man and I started falling into this not-so-oxytocin-filled category. Life felt arduous. Things were tense and we needed a little reminder of what was good. But we didn’t quite know how to get there.
That same week I was fortunate to attend a very brilliant workshop wherein the main message was to “become obsessed with the good parts of your life.” Everything that was said that day was exactly what I needed to hear, which of course was another part of the message, that the messages come at exactly the right moment of time – which is really the only time we can receive them anyway.
The idea of becoming obsessed with the good parts of my life seemed like a good starting point for readjustment and so I started writing a list of appreciations for what was good about our marriage, about my husband and about myself. It was easy to make a list of 5 things for each category. Easier than I thought it would be. And I suggested we try doing that everyday and then reading sharing them.
It’s been a few weeks now. And I tell you, it’s been life changing. For both of us. We are living in a state of total appreciation and we are taking time each day to pause all the doing that needs to be done, and concentrate on sharing what we love and just being. Together. We feel appreciated. We feel appreciative. And the new lens we have put on is giving us a glimpse of what the next 19 years together might bring.