It seems each child of mine pops up in a whole new stage this time of year. Like a new part of their being is born, new skills are mastered, new ideas are formulated. It’s wild to watch them slide into the next and it’s inspiring too to those of us supposedly past all these developmental spurts.

Our three year old has just learned the art of drawing people. A circle. Two arms. Two legs. Two eyes. And, for him who is obsessed with ears, two of those as well.

The 7 year old has moved onto chapter books and a whole new world awaits her.

The 10 year old is speed skating down the alley in his new roller blades. Olympic dreams in his head.

The 12 year old is drawing like crazy, doing portraits in black and white. In a style we’ve never seen in her drawings before.

These new skills sometimes present in a troubled way at first.  As they work toward the newness, the shift, the big idea, they take a step back. They protest things a little bigger and a little more. They forget things they used to know.

Sometimes I remember that in the shifting comes the discomfort and the agony. But I don’t always. And I ask, “what the heck is wrong with them? Why are they acting this way? Why are they yelling/fighting/resisting/etc.?” And then the newness. And I smack myself on the forehead in recognition of the learning curve.

And me? I’m trying on this new hat of public speaking and loving it. Readings of essays. Story telling. Talks on parenting and slow family and any other topic that hits me close to home. It was a push to my edge at first. Now it’s a new love of mine.

I love spring and all the possibilities it presents. All the newness and the challenges to live our lives more fully as ourselves.

And I love when struggles have an explanation.

Where we are now is not where we will always be. I think in parenting this is a really difficult concept to grasp. When we have infants, we are so immersed that it is hard to think our wee ones will one day be walking, talking, joke sharing toddlers. With toddlers, its hard to imagine that we’ll one day (soon even) have big kids that can clear the table on their own and play cards with us. And eventually, all these little people with whom we share our lives and our homes, will one day be adults with whom we will share thoughts, ideas and maybe even go to for advice.

If you want to grasp this concept more fully, that childhood is fleeting and the people we raise will be adults for a whole lot longer than they are children, here’s a fun and simple exercise…

Write down the names and ages of all the people in your immediate family – the parents and the kids. Now add 20 years. That’s it. That’s the whole exercise. The point being that it really does go fast. And the connection we seek then can be put into place now in little and mindful chunks.

Take a day off. Play in the yard. Skip the chores one afternoon and lay around and read together. Greet each other in the morning as if you haven’t seen each other in months. Take ten minutes to listen to a kids’ story about the kid at school. Turn off your phone on occasion. Turn off the screens. Look at each other. Listen. Enjoy each other’s company.

What you put in now will come back to you later a thousand fold.

Oftentimes in our Slow Family workshops I talk about how beautiful it would be to have some sort of talisman on the front of the house to serve as a reminder to all who enter (us mostly) that we are home and that in this home, there is comfort and love and connection and hopefully peace and kindness too. I always loved the mezuzahs that were on the door posts of Jewish households that served this same kind of purpose – that you were home and that this home was a  Jewish home.

Over the past few months I have been pondering what this would look like for us – what would serve as sort of a Slow Family reminder – a reminder to all of us to slow down, connect and truly enjoy family life. Coming in from the outside world seems like a perfect time to have this reminder – to leave all the mess out there and bring in the connection that we all need and love and desire too. And, aside from the sentiment of it, I also knew whatever we used would have to be kind of rugged, and hold up to sometimes grimy fingers, rugged encounters, the elements and time.

When taking out our Christmas decorations this past month I found, hidden in the bottom of one of the boxes, an aluminum star – simply designed and stamped with the word: PEACE. I got out a nail and a hammer and affixed it smack dab in the middle of the door. Over the past month, ach time we enter, we touch it, and the kids ritual is to tap it three times. Even the other day as we were entering, and my 7 year old stood with her arms full of backpack and coat and other sundry items of a first grader, she looked back at me and said, “Can you tap that for me?” Already it has become ritual. Even if I don’t touch it with my hands, I touch it with my eyes and take in its message.

The dictionary describes a talisman as anything whose presence exercises a remarkable or powerful influence on human feelings or actions. This is precisely what I hope our new star will do – have a powerful influence on our actions as we strive to connect as a family. It’s not always easy to live family life in the connected way we want to live it, but it sure is nice to have this physical reminder of our goal. And a reminder too that we are home. Not the building we live in but the people who dwell here.

In the Huffington Post today there was an article about women and sleep – and whether getting more of it could help women rise to the top of their fields, professions, games. Motherlode author Lisa Belkin wrote about it too and pondered whether the issue was really a choice for women or whether they often really just had more to do on the homefront – i.e. nursing, waking to a child’s cries, domestic duties, hormonal insomnia, etc. and therefore couldn’t get more sleep even if they wanted to.

I agree that when the wee ones are truly wee, the ball often lands in the mom’s court as far as sleep is concerned. Biologically it’s the deal and there isn’t a whole lot to do about it short of extra work at some other point in the day in regards to pumping and bottling, etc. But I think that after that, when the kids actually do sleep through the night, it’s about choice: Will I get everything done, myself, my way, every night, and suffer the fatigue? Will I solicit some help from the family in regards to domestic duties? Will I turn off the computer and head to bed? Will I even occasionally leave things undone and go for the extra sleep even though the laundry, dishes, paperwork or more is left for another day? I know for myself, there has to be the turn-off point. And whether I do it at 10:00 or midnight, there is never a point of everything being done. And that’s with a partner who does A LOT.

Last fall I was lucky enough to have a consult with a local herbalist, Ginger Webb of Texas Medicinals. I went to her for problems of memory loss. After talking for a while she said, “You’re not suffering memory issues, you’re suffering overwhelm.” She prescribed “profound sleep” (more than 9 hours at a stretch) and an herb tincture called ashwaganda. I love the term profound sleep and I use it now as a guiding force making sure that at least one night a week I get my recommended 9 or more hours. Other nights too I try to cash it in a little earlier than I was leaving my night owl tendencies behind on nights where the morning comes at 6:20 a.m.. And I take the tincture nightly as a way for entering calmly into deep and restful sleep. Both have made a profound difference in how I feel and communicate and go about my days.

Just this past week, in an effort to lighten the work load on both my partner and myself, we reinstituted our family job chart. We had it going for a while, a while back, and then, somehow it just kind of stopped. For nearly a year we’ve been without it – instead randomly assigning jobs and more often too, just deciding to do the jobs ourselves instead. For many of the tasks, somehow we decided it was easier to just do it ourselves – which is only true for the time being, definitely not for the long run. Not that we didn’t have the kids doing things but it was way more random and way more special occasion too. And now, daily tasks are back. With it’s sleek new design and added bonus jobs, and older kids at the helm, I can already see it’s impact on the house. Regularly things get done. With a lot less nagging too because, well, it’s there on the chart.

So, to the sleep challenge presented by Arianna Huffington, in a roundabout way, the job chart is going to allow me to get more sleep. Because there really is less to do. And even if it’s not done that night, it’ll get done the next day and it doesn’t all have to be done by me, or by my husband either. Do you want to take the more sleep challenge? And if so, how would you go about it?

We had a great teleclass last night with folks calling in from several different points. We discussed what’s working. What’s not. And perhaps the most resounding, what’s the feeling you’re going for this holiday season. All callers left with some good nugget to take with them into their holiday season. Thanks to all who called in.

We talked a bit about gift giving too and how to keep it in check and fill it with the spirit we are seeking this season. In our house what works for us is to focus on handmade and homemade and on the rituals that allow the whole season to be celebrated.

At Future Craft Collective, my other collaborative endeavor, we just finished up a great round of advent calendar making and each calendar made is so unique – not just in its look but in its purpose too. Some countdown to Christmas, others to New Year’s and still others to solstice or Three Kings Day.

The season is here. And it is ready to be celebrated. In any way, shape or form that you so choose. Make it yours. Make it work for you and your family. And make it something to be enjoyed, not merely endured.

I started to spiral a little bit into holiday blues this past week. I was worrying about the consumption of it all and not exactly finding the spirit needed to bring me joyfully into this season. In an effort to combat the blues and bring in the cheer, I made a short list of what I wanted this month…

• connection with family and friends
• celebration of the season
• baking
• crafting
• sharing my good fortunes with others
• kindness
• a spirit of giving
• comfort and joy

As I looked at the list I realized all the things I want are completely attainable. And all are well within my power to make happen. We hung our Advent Calendar (finally) which consists of tiny pockets full of trinkets which get pinned onto the tree. In each pocket I also stuck a little note full of ideas for giving of the spirit. I crafted with some mama friends last night. And today, on this chilly rainy Sunday afternoon in Austin, TX I plan on doing a little holiday baking with the kids. And each time I start to spiral into overwhelm, I’ll look at my list for inspiration.

How do you create the spirit you want around the holidays? Do you know how you want the holidays to look and feel? Will you count down the days with joy this holiday? Or cross them off in a race of endurance?

If you need some ideas, we are having a tele-class Monday night from 7:15-10:00pm central time.

In an interview recently we were asked, “What is slow parenting?” Here’s how I see it…

Slow parenting means finding presence and connection in your family life. It’s about pausing on a regular basis and asking yourself, “Is this working for US?” It’s not about doing nothing. Rather it’s about checking in with your own self, your partner, your kids and the family as a whole, and determining whether this particular schedule, activity, arrangement, is working for the family. And it’s about asking that question continuously, “Is this working for us?” If the answer is yes, keep doing what you’re doing. If the answer is no, figure out a way to change it.

Slow Parenting is about understanding too that in order to process all that is seen, felt, learned and heard in a day, there needs to be that pause. Pausing now and again is a surefire way to integrate each day’s information into the whole being and into the whole family. Slow Family Living is about finding the presence and connection in your family life that works for now and helps build a sustainable connection that will last a lifetime.

What do you think about that?