We’re back to school now a couple of weeks. All are settling into new routines, new friendships, new lessons learned. We’re finding our groove and mostly I’d say we’re doing pretty well.

I did 2 radio interviews yesterday for 2 Canadian stations (I’m big in Canada!) about back to school and finding the familial groove of your own. We talked about slowing down. Asking my favorite question, “Is this working for us?” Pondering before committing. And also scheduling times for the family that are intentionally tech/screen/phone free. No games. No phones. No computers or televisions. Just face time. Real face time that is. And family. Even if it’s just for an hour, making sure that we schedule it in so that the family can take some time just being together.

After the interview I asked my 8 year old how she thought I did with the phone/tech stuff. “As your mom, on a scale of 1-10, how do I handle the screen/phone/tech time?” She pondered. She put her finger on her chin which is her sign that she is really measuring it all up.

“Seven!” she declared. “No eight. No! 7 and a half. You do pretty good but you could do better.”

Out of the mouths of babes. I’ll take that score. And I’ll try and raise it one. I’m going back to turning my phone off in the evening hours. Not just buzzing in my pocket. But off. I’ll let you know how it goes.

If you ask your own kids, what kind of score do you think they would give you?

This week, back to school week, bedtimes are a little stressful. We’re all out of practice. We’re all more tired than ever. The kids are a bit overwhelmed with the muchness of going back to school. And even the homeschooler is feeling the anxiety of returning to routines and demands and schedules.

So, at bedtime the other night, when the 8 year old was having a bit of a meltdown and not wanting to brush her teeth and not wanting to put away her art supplies in exchange for sleep and just generally not wanting or seemingly able to do anything I needed her to do, I was about to lose it right along with her.

I slammed a cup down on the counter and on the way into her room, I caught myself, and I paused and I took a few really deep, long, slow cleansing breaths. Really. The same kind we all used in birthing these kids of ours. And I asked myself, “what does she need?” And the answer came and I could feel calmness and compassion take over my whole being.

Instead of slamming into her room all mad, the breaths helped me catch myself. And I did. And the question helped me respond to her need and realize too that she wasn’t just doing that to make me mad. She really needed something. And in that moment the something she needed was simple. It was me.

When I walked into her room and approached her in her bed where she was thrashing about I didn’t say a word. Instead I went to her slowly and flipped her on her belly and started stroking her back. Kind of hard at first. Not hard, aggressive but hard with great intention; like I  wanted to press her body into the mattress where I knew it wanted to be.

After an initial resistance, which was fleeting, I could feel her settling under my touch. And I leaned into her ear and “sssshhhhhd”. Like the white noise sounds we used when she was just a babe that allowed her to settle after overstim. In between the sssshhh’s I leaned into her ear and repeated my mantra for the minute, “I’ve got you. I’ve got you. I’ve got you.”  I could feel her melting underneath my touch and my spell. For 10 minutes or so. Maybe 12. Not even 15.   I fought the urge to glance at my phone or to leave too fast to get the dishes finished or the email checked or Facebook revisited and I just allowed myself to settle with her.

And when we parted ways we both felt so so good. She was just this side of sleep. I was calm and restored – instead of angsty and tense. And the whole thing didn’t take any longer than it would have if I’d freaked out and she’d freaked out and she ended up in bed crying. Less in fact.

So that little tagline of Slow Family – slow down, connect, enjoy? It really works. When we remember. And when our own cups are filled at least a little.  And it all feels better in the end. More relaxed. More connected. More joyful.

So how do we put ourselves of being in the position to do this all the time?

That is definitely the question.

Carrie and I had a little hang out the other night. A time for setting some intentions about the weeks ahead. Getting clarity on what we want to put in and what we want to get out. We do this every now and again and at the end we always feel rejuvenated, reenergized, relaxed and sometimes redirected too.

 In all this discussion, the idea that kept coming up, was “how deep do you want to go?” We were talking about something rather specific but the more I ponder this thought, the more I realize it can serve as a guiding force for so much.

If we are scheduling our days and putting things back to back, the question is there as a guide, “how deep do you want to go?” If you want to go deep, don’t overschedule. If you want to go deep, keep it spacious. If you don’t want to go deep however pack it full and it will stay surface whether you like it or not.

If we are looking into our own psyche’s (as Carrie is wont to encourage) the question is there too and is totally up to us, the owner of said psyche. How deep do you want to go?

Try it. For love, work, play, bedtime, dinnertime, housecleaning, vacations,  exercise, grocery shopping, relationships, whatever! Just ask yourself, “how deep do I want to go?” Try it on as a guide and let us know what you think.

I’ve tried it already this week and the information that has come back to me with this one simple question is really quite profound. Pair it with “is this working for us?” and I think we may have the answer to all of life’s situations.

We had a great teleclass last night with folks calling in from several different points. We discussed what’s working. What’s not. And perhaps the most resounding, what’s the feeling you’re going for this holiday season. All callers left with some good nugget to take with them into their holiday season. Thanks to all who called in.

We talked a bit about gift giving too and how to keep it in check and fill it with the spirit we are seeking this season. In our house what works for us is to focus on handmade and homemade and on the rituals that allow the whole season to be celebrated.

At Future Craft Collective, my other collaborative endeavor, we just finished up a great round of advent calendar making and each calendar made is so unique – not just in its look but in its purpose too. Some countdown to Christmas, others to New Year’s and still others to solstice or Three Kings Day.

The season is here. And it is ready to be celebrated. In any way, shape or form that you so choose. Make it yours. Make it work for you and your family. And make it something to be enjoyed, not merely endured.

We are excited and proud to announce that Carrie will be representing Slow Family Living on the Today Show Thursday, May 28th. She will be appearing on a segment about Slow Parenting during the Fourth Hour with Kathie Lee Gifford and Hoda Kotb which is on from 10-11am EDT.

Tell your friends! Tune in!  Tell more friends!

And if you miss it, check back on our site. We’ll be posting the clip.

Wooohooo!

…figuring out ways to transition smoothly and thoughtfully into our winter break. The school schedule is rigid – rising unnaturally at 6:40 a.m., rushing through breakfast and into shoes and coats and WOOSH out the door we go. Three kids dressed, ready, fed in less than an hour is not always a “slow” pace. We have figured out some tricks to make it a little smoother but it never actually feels truly slow.

Now we transition from this schedule into 18 glorious days of break. We are not traveling or gathering even and I am looking forward to a family vacation right here at home. I am looking forward to crafting and walks and holiday movie classics with popcorn and hot chocolate and spacious, spacious time.

I am this morning trying to come up with some ritual to make the transition more recognized and more intentional rather than just sliding mindlessly in. I love ritual and I love creating it too and I’ve got to get moving if I’m going to make this one a good one.

According to Slow Planet slow is…

“…not about doing everything at a snail’s pace; it’s about working, playing and living better by doing everything at the right speed.”

With this in mind we can see that what is slow can vary from person to person, family to family and even day to day.

It seems to me like our usual 2 day weekends just aren’t enough. This 5 day one is feeling rather spacious and luxurious. I think a 3 day one ought to be the norm. In my perfect world that’s what it’d be.