I got a beautiful Christmas card from a cousin of mine in Oakland California. It had photos of her throughout the year on her many worldly travels. Pictures too of friends and family here and there. And a very simple list, right down the middle of the page, of simple ways we as individuals can take steps to build and expand community. There are things we can do everyday, and others we can do randomly throughout the year. Things we can do on our own. And things we can do in a group. Things we can do on a whim. And others that will take a little planning.

She got the list from a site called Simple Living. It seems like a great way to kick off the new year! Here it is for all of you to try in your own communities…

• Turn off your TV
• Leave your house
• Know your neighbors
• Look up when you are walking
• Greet people
• Sit on your front stoop
• Plant flowers
• Use your library
• Play together
• Buy local
• Share what you have
• Help a lost dog
• Take children to the park
• Garden together
• Support neighborhood schools
• Fix it even if you didn’t break it
• Have pot lucks
• Honor elders
• Pick up litter
• Read stories aloud
• Dance in the street
• Talk to the mail carrier
• Listen to the birds
• Put up a swing
• Help carry something heavy
• Barter for your goods and services
• Start a tradition
• Ask a question
• Hire young people for odd jobs
• Organize a block party
• Bake/Cook extra and share
• Ask for help when you need it
• Open your shades
• Sing together
• Share your skills
• Take back the night
• Turn up the music
• Turn down the music
• Listen before you react in anger
• Mediate a conflict
• Seek to understand
• Learn from new and uncomfortable angles
• Know that no one is silent though many are not heard. Work to change this.

To this list I would add…

• Talk to the homeless
• Sweep the front sidewalk
• Park in your driveway instead of your garage
• Put free stuff on the curb
• Make and deliver collections for those less fortunate: canned goods, shoes, books, etc
• Have friends over for dinner
• Take a walk around the block
• Plan a nature hike with friends

What would you add to your list?

I was talking with a friend last night who has two daughters in the tween set. They have just begun, in earnest, their fall schedule of lessons, teams, exercise and social time.  A glance at the calendar shows not a lot of room during the week for much else.

For a while she was lamenting how busy they all were. A couple nights a week they were eating dinner late. Some days they were heading out after school in a dash towards a class or a group. Time was definitely dished out in small, scheduled doses. And she was feeling a little frazzled.

They had a little family meeting and looked at all they were doing. And as they examined each activity and its merits, they all came to the realization that each thing they were doing was a passion and a completely conscious choice. The lessons, the teams, the social activities and the exercise. There were no half-baked feelings in the mix. And not one activity that any of them wanted to eliminate.

So my friend decided right then and there that what needed to shift was not their schedule, but her attitude. Rather than walk around lamenting how busy they all were, she exulted in the fullness of their life. When one daughter was at a lesson, she seized the moment to take a slow, chatty walk with another. When the other was immersed in practice, she took the chance to connect with the other over homework or a hot chocolate at a cafe. And when they were all sitting down to dinner at 7:30 instead of 6:00, she rejoiced in the fact that the four of them were sitting down to dinner together.

Sometimes slow family living isn’t about cutting back on activities. Or emptying the calendar. It is about taking the pause and asking yourself, “Is this working?” And whatever the answer, it is about finding the connection in it all. For it is that connection that will sustain a family for now when the kids are young and at home, and for years down the road when the children are grown maybe even raising families of their own.

And it is about taking the time to slow down, connect and enjoy the family life you are living.

…is here!! This is the all new version and vastly improved Slow Family Living handbook complete with tips, tools, ideas and practical ways you can slow down, connect and truly enjoy family life. This 33 page booklet loaded with questions and information, has got the whys, the ways and the how-to’s for the typical sticky points of family life. And a list of 100 things you can do to truly savor the lusciousness of your connected family life.

Slow has become my barometer for family life. My husband says I say it to everyone, whether they understand the status or not as in, “No we just can’t do that this weekend, it’s not feeling slow.” He’s afraid someone might take it the wrong way, or get offended but really, it’s the only thing I’ve got to go on sometimes. It really has become one of my few completely reliable barometers. We RSVP to parties based on whether it will feel slow or not. We assess our weekend based on its slowness. We choose activities based on slowness. We chose our current school using this same measure because though we loved our other school, it was just too much time in the car which didn’t feel slow to me at all.

I’m not saying we’re always moving at a snail’s pace, not by any stretch, but using this slow barometer really does help me keep it sane and steady. And if things aren’t sane and steady, then I use the slow measure to figure out what feels crazy and if it’s temporary and it’s obligatory or if it is somehow serving us in some way, shape or form. It’s really working for me this measure of slowness and to have the word to apply to it all. I think it’s working for the whole family too, although admittedly sometimes my oldest wants to move through the world a little faster than I do. And sometimes we even let her drag us along on her speedy ride – but even she is grateful when we reign it all back in.

So I have a question for you. In your own life, do you ever use Slow as a barometer? I’m curious to know.