Oftentimes in our Slow Family workshops I talk about how beautiful it would be to have some sort of talisman on the front of the house to serve as a reminder to all who enter (us mostly) that we are home and that in this home, there is comfort and love and connection and hopefully peace and kindness too. I always loved the mezuzahs that were on the door posts of Jewish households that served this same kind of purpose – that you were home and that this home was a Jewish home.
Over the past few months I have been pondering what this would look like for us – what would serve as sort of a Slow Family reminder – a reminder to all of us to slow down, connect and truly enjoy family life. Coming in from the outside world seems like a perfect time to have this reminder – to leave all the mess out there and bring in the connection that we all need and love and desire too. And, aside from the sentiment of it, I also knew whatever we used would have to be kind of rugged, and hold up to sometimes grimy fingers, rugged encounters, the elements and time.
When taking out our Christmas decorations this past month I found, hidden in the bottom of one of the boxes, an aluminum star – simply designed and stamped with the word: PEACE. I got out a nail and a hammer and affixed it smack dab in the middle of the door. Over the past month, ach time we enter, we touch it, and the kids ritual is to tap it three times. Even the other day as we were entering, and my 7 year old stood with her arms full of backpack and coat and other sundry items of a first grader, she looked back at me and said, “Can you tap that for me?” Already it has become ritual. Even if I don’t touch it with my hands, I touch it with my eyes and take in its message.
The dictionary describes a talisman as anything whose presence exercises a remarkable or powerful influence on human feelings or actions. This is precisely what I hope our new star will do – have a powerful influence on our actions as we strive to connect as a family. It’s not always easy to live family life in the connected way we want to live it, but it sure is nice to have this physical reminder of our goal. And a reminder too that we are home. Not the building we live in but the people who dwell here.
I recently joined Triiibes, which is like a mini-Facebook for people who have read Seth Godin’s book Tribes which Bern and I both love. In the profile questionnaire it says, “Here is the one and only spot here for audacious self-promo! Feel free to wax on and on about you, your life, your work and your passions…”
This is what I wrote:
I want to inspire people to live their best and fullest lives. To know that bliss and freedom and authenticity are available to all of us. Right now. To lead with love and consciousness and care and joy. To help people understand their children and to see their own true essence as a way of getting clear on who they are and what they want and how they want to live their own lives. I want to inspire families to create healthy family life. To make family life the priority because it has the potential to be the place of filling up, uncovering our biggest lessons and honing our emotional intelligence.
I love the concept of evolution. That the purpose of life is the fulfillment of consciousness. That we are here to expand and grow and we do that through connection and seeing the lessons and feeling the feelings. Guiding parents is my vehicle in assisting folks to see the potential in themselves and their children. I guide parents in learning about human development and clearing the blocks from their own early experiences that cloud their natural parenting intuition and their ability to know their own true selves. In my experience I know that once the blocks (undigested emotions from their own early experiences) are integrated bonding and healthy attachment, as well as personal expansion and ultimately freedom, naturally occur.
My goal is to support, educate and inspire parents to welcome and care for their babies and children in ways that support their innate wholeness and allow them to enter the world with the least interference toward personal evolution as possible. This cannot be done to the exclusion of the parents because there is no baby without (m)other! My goal is to help parents learn to emotionally regulate and know themselves so that they can emotionally regulate and know their children. And in knowing themselves and their children everyone’s lives are richer and more expanded.
Our tag line explains it somewhat. Slow down. Connect. Enjoy.
But what does that mean even? Here’s the break down as we see it.
Slow down. Be present. Schedule spaciousness. Pause in your activities and your breathing and your body and your mind. Check in with yourself. Take time to look around. Recognize the value of the being versus the always doing.
Connect. Ask yourself first, “What am I needing, wanting?” By becoming present with yourself you are then more able to be fully with those around you. See, acknowledge and allow the feelings and needs and moods and wishes and wants and hopes of those around you. Make time together.
Enjoy. Simple. Make it fun. Fill it with play. Appreciate each other and the joy will follow. Do the things you love and if you have to do them, find pleasure in the things you don’t. Ask yourself on a regular basis, “Is this working?”
When we are spacious and present and connected and appreciative and loving and playful we can live the slow family life we truly want to live.
