In our classes we talk often of recognizing that under all the behavior is some emotion. The behavior is the tangible thing we focus on when really we need to pause, and get under that, and try to see that it’s more than a slammed door or thrown food or a screaming fit or whatever.

Cary Tennis is not a father. But he is a writer for Salon.com. And in this column he answers beautifully the issue one dad is having dealing with his 16 year old daughter. Whether you have a teen or a toddler, or even if you have no kids at all, it’s a good read with a lot of really good points. Because though the column is entitled “My 16 year old is driving me crazy” it’s about relationships and presence and feeling the love and finding appreciation and recognizing that it’s all a phase.