A friend’s daughter is attending camp this summer for 3 full days a week for free. They have created a great thing they call Co-op camp and all the girls involved attend 4 days a week – 3 of them for free. Here’s how it works… Each family takes the girls 1 day a week. The other 3 days the girls go to a different house. The parent is responsible for creating some camp like activity for the girls either at home or somewhere out in the community.

So far, and only one week into summer break, they have roller skated, swam in a creek and biked at the town veloway. In the weeks to come they’ll do some sewing, bowling, definitely more swimming and who knows what other fun stuff. The total cost is up to the parent – they can either find something free to do with the kids like a craft or a swimming hole or they can choose something with an entry free.

The cost benefits are obvious. Who doesn’t want to attend an innovative summer camp for free? One of the other benefits though is that the kids are getting to explore their own town in a way that they might not have done if just left to their parents devices and they are getting to do it with friends – thereby avoiding the summer cries of wanting to see more friends. And for the parents, they are then committing to spending one day each week solely dedicated to the pursuit of summer fun. Who doesn’t want to do that? In addition, one of the moms said she enjoys finding out about cool places and events in their own town which she might not have thought of or known of otherwise thereby giving her fodder for future family outings and activities.

This seems like total Slow Family to me. It’s slow, it’s connected and everyone involved is finding they are enjoying the summer more than they would have without it.

What ways are you finding to make summer more connected?

I am a co-founder of Slow Family Living but beyond that I am a writer. It was my writing actually that first inspired Carrie and I to collaborate. And from that collaboration came Slow Family. I often write about family life on my blog and cover such things as parenting four children, the funny points, the sweet points and the low points too.

Before the blog there were the essays. Also many about family life but about life in general: past, present and future. Sometimes they get sent off to magazines and get printed such as one coming up in the July issue of Mothering Magazine. Other times they get sent off and then sent back only to sit idle in my computer. Just recently I started compiling them, very slowly I might add, to this other site of mine called Writerisms. (I collect blogs for a hobby) There is one essay I just put up that I thought might be pertinent to Slow Family readers. It’s called From Where I Sit. And it’s about the experience of meeting each child where they are. And recognizing too the fleeting nature of it all.

photo by 500 pound leon

I was speaking with a mom this weekend about Slow Family Living. She was concerned because she didn’t think she could do it. “Do what?” was my question to her. “Slow things down in the way that you do,” she responded.

It’s not about doing it my way. Or a certain way. Or the way that some other family is doing it. Rather the whole idea of Slow Family is finding the way that works in your home, for your family.

The idea of slow is actually the idea that you and your family take a pause in all you do just long enough to ask yourselves, “Is this working for us?” From there you will find your solutions.

I wrote a piece this week in Rhythm of the Home about our Family Soccer league and how our experience with soccer was tweaked and retweaked until we had the perfect solution for our family. Not one big change overnight but a little by little variation until we had the perfect scenario for us. For the parents, for the kids and for our family as a whole.

Here are a few questions from our Slow Family Handbook to get you started on finding ways to build connection in your own family life…

1. Think of a day, an hour, a moment even when you felt “ah, this is what family life is all about.” Describe it in detail…
2. What were the elements or the pieces involved?
3. What was the feeling?
4. In what ways can you bring those elements into daily life?

If you want to do more, you can download the workbook and go through the entire process. In addition, read through a list of 100 ways you and your family can find ways to slow down, connect and truly enjoy family life a little bit more.

With so much of family life in transition, it seems like a really good time, to ask ourselves again, “Is this working for us?” From there we will find the answers. “For us,” being the operative term.

We schedule just about everything in our lives. We schedule work. And exercise. And social time. And doctor’s appointments. And sports. And parties. And volunteer time too. Look at most any family calendar and you will see all sorts of activities, events, appointments and obligations.

Often though we are hesitant to create this same intention for family life. Or we schedule it but then if something else comes up we bump family time to the side as if it will just happen on its own.

But it doesn’t always. It needs the same intention and attention that we give most every other aspect of our lives.

I usually remember this. Most often we try to keep one day each weekend just for time with each other. But sometimes we forget. And we get back on the bandwagon of thinking that family time will just happen without any thought at all.

And then a little reminder comes in some form or fashion. And I am grateful to put it on the calendar again.

The end of school that is. Just a little over three weeks according to a recent calendar check. This time of year always seems to take on a rapid fire pace with end of year performances and ceremonies and field trips and more. It’s somewhat difficult to maintain some semblance of calm in our schedules but we’re trying hard over here tag-teaming for various requirements and limiting others.

This week alone we’ve got two drama performances for two different kids and two days of field day for two different grade levels all requiring some sort of participation from one or some of us.

We had to remind each other tonight that it’s just a phase and that the end of this pace is near. So that’s the mantra for the next few weeks: “It’s just a phase. It’s just a phase.” Reminding us of the great advice we received from my experienced sister when our oldest child was born over 12 years ago, “Remember, it’s all a phase. Revel in the good ones and know that the bad ones will pass.” While this time of year isn’t exactly a bad one, it is indeed a trying one!

The reminder of this serves us well. And we may need to remind each other quite often. And we know too that before we know the chaos will calm and we’ll be headed for more of this…

How do you handle this speeding up time of year  in your house?

Our new friend Jim Swift of KXAN, the Austin NBC affiliate, created a beautiful news piece on Slow Family Living.  Click here to see the clip and read the story.

It’s spring here in Austin, TX and it has lingered much more luxuriously than I remember it doing in years past. The cool nights and mornings continue to surprise us all and the heat has barely set in even by late afternoon. This week marks the first of the 90 degree days and we all take a deep breath in anticipation of what’s to come.

photo by Leon Alesi 500poundleon.com

This time of year time seems to pick up speed a little bit as school calendars fill with all that was missed during the school year such as class trips and fund raisers and tests and end of school year celebrations. Yes, end of school year, as we recently realized there are just over 4 weeks remaining. The past couple of weeks have felt a little hectic here in our house where ordinarily we keep a thoughtful eye on keeping things relatively slow.

This past weekend however we took a collective deep breath. And we planned nothing. And we even canceled existing plans in exchange for nothingness. There were slight protests from the resident 12 year old but even she recognized the need to pull back and hang out and just be. So that’s what we did.

We ate meals together and prepped them together too. We had time for pancakes. And pedicures. And head massages in the grass. We read out loud and to ourselves. We wrote long neglected thank you notes. Cut out paper flowers for a first grade project. Picked out a potted plant for teacher appreciation week. Took walks around the neighborhood and bike rides too. Picked loquats from a neighbors tree. Found some mulberries down the street. Played tennis in the alley. And hockey in the grass. Spent two hours in the thrift store all together just because. And came home to write stories on the old typewriter we found there.

By Sunday night we felt ready to dive into this coming week which one glance at the calendar shows is equally full of spring time activities, events and obligations. Because of its nature, and its weather, and the fact that this season precedes the dog days, this time of year can tend toward the nutty. And we have discovered that if we don’t find some way to find some space in the other end of that spectrum, we crumble.  And we all get overwhelmed. And cranky. And we end up taking it out on each other.

So before it gets filled up with other obligations, we have penciled in some family time again this coming weekend. Not the entire weekend, like we did this past week. But a chunk. So if anyone asks, “are you guys free…” No is the answer. We’ve already got something scheduled.

We can spiral into the craziness in a panic at all we need to do.

Or we can pause. And actually look at what needs doing.

How much time will it truly take?
Do we have to do it all?

Next time you’re making your list of things to do…
Breathe. Pause. Ponder.
Eliminate. Relegate. Or delegate

And free yourself from the harried vagueness of “I’ve got too much to do!”

Could you do this for 5 minutes today?

Seth Godin has long been one of my favorites when it comes to all the social media tools we have at our disposal. Whether it be for work, family or just for pleasure, he offers lots of ideas for how to use all these tools in a way that works for you. As opposed to using them beyond your time, pleasure, comfort and usefulness.

Today he’s got a message about what we let in. It’s up to us. Just like all the decisions we make in our lives, the social stuff is up to us too. So how do you want your day to go? What do you want to let in? Sort of the same thing we say about family life, before you do anything, before you make any moves or decisions, ask yourself first, “Is this working for us?”

How do you handle the onslaught?

It’s not always easy to listen to our kids. Sometimes they want to talk when we’re in the middle of doing something else. Or when we’re tired. Or when we’re rushing to go somewhere else. But if we want to know what’s going on in their heads and worlds and hearts, we have to listen when they’re willing to talk. And though I often forget, we have to try to keep our opinions to ourselves unless they are directly solicited. And even then, tread lightly.

Here are a few things I’ve learned. Or rather, a few things I am continuously learning, as I strive to be a better listener to my kids. As I strive to offer less input. As I strive to remember that they are them and I am me – each with our own needs, feelings, ideas and wants…

• Take advantage of certain times of day when we know our children might be willing to share. Bedtime? Snack time?
• When our children are talking about concerns, stop whatever we are doing and listen. Really stop. And turn our mind, body and spirit towards our child. If we give them half an ear, we will get half-hearted stories.
• Express interest in what they are saying without being opinionated. This is a hard one especially if they are sharing something painful. We want to fix it. Make it better. But that’s not always what they want.
• Listen to their point of view, even if it’s difficult to hear.
• Let them complete their point before we respond. Even then, respond slowly. Check in with what they are really wanting. Ask if they want feedback or just an ear. And assume this will change from time to time.
• Repeat what you heard them say to ensure that you understand them correctly.  Also, this way they know they are heard. Fully. Only then will we get the full story. If they feel dismissed in any way, they will dismiss us completely and instantly.
• Talk to them about things going on in your world. By modeling this sharing, we can teach them how to share.

What tricks or tools of listening have you learned? As the parent of four, with the oldest now just shy of her teen years, I am seeking all the tools I can get.