Amy Pertl-Clark, an Austin-based slow mama, alerted us to this New York Times article on slowing down kindergarten.

As an early parenting guide with a pretty clear understanding of brain development and nervous system regulation, I feel strongly that children, especially young children, especially kindergarteners, should NOT have homework. Why? Because they’ve been at school for many hours using their brains — learning things, trying new activities, navigating social interactions — and managing big feeling without mom or dad. That is a lot of work. In order for them to properly integrate what they have learned, tried and experienced they need a break. They need to have space and time to relax. They need to be…time to putter around the yard, play with their toys, look at books, cuddle with someone who loves them dearly, play with friends, do some art if they feel like it. Basically, time to do what they want to do. Or not do anything at all. When we allow children an intellectual pause at home all the neural connections that have been stimulated at school  link up and create new pathways in the brain. This is really good and important stuff that should not be underestimated or overriden by a bunch more learning.

Perhaps there needs to be a movement to abolish homework? Oh, look there already is one.

We love TED talks. We especially love TED talks when they are about slow living. Check out our friend and inspiration Carl Honore, author of  In Praise of Slowness and Under Pressure: Rescuing our children from the cult of hyper parenting giving his TED talk.

Click here to view it.

Maybe one day we’ll give a TED talk…

We love this question. And more than the question itself, we love the answer ,because the answer actually doesn’t come from us, it comes from within each parent. And it can change from day to day, hour to hour even.

So many times we are told, as parents, that “we must be consistent with our children.” And that is true. The missing piece to this answer however is that the consistency isn’t in the behaviour or in the schedule or in the rules applied, rather the consistency is in the temperment of the parent. In other words, the boundary lies within.

If one day you are well rested and feeling strong and capable as a parent, then you might feel totally fine with letting your 3 year old climb to the top of a very big slide and slide down. “Hooray!” You say as they reach the bottom. If however you are tired, or mentally preoccupied, or stressed out or distracted, that same slide another day might seem too overwhelming, so the boundary then shifts, within you, and that day the slide is off limits.

“But won’t my child be confused?”

Perhaps they will for a minute. But when you say no to them in as kind a way as you say yes, and you tell them, “I know you want to go up there but I’m really not up for it today. I know you did it last week, but you’ll have to wait until another day because today it’s freaking me out.”

In the big picture of parenthood and childhood, it is far better for the child to melt down from the no, than for the parent to melt down in the allowing something that is freaking them out. Because the end result of the parent freaking out is that the kid feels wrong or shamed or uncertain of whether your yes means yes or no or ends up freaking out anyway.

What do you think about that?

I recently joined Triiibes, which is like a mini-Facebook for people who have read Seth Godin’s book Tribes which Bern and I both love. In the profile questionnaire it says, “Here is the one and only spot here for audacious self-promo! Feel free to wax on and on about you, your life, your work and your passions…”

This is what I wrote:

I want to inspire people to live their best and fullest lives. To know that bliss and freedom and authenticity are available to all of us. Right now. To lead with love and consciousness and care and joy. To help people understand their children and to see their own true essence as a way of getting clear on who they are and what they want and how they want to live their own lives. I want to inspire families to create healthy family life. To make family life the priority because it has the potential to be the place of filling up, uncovering our biggest lessons and honing our emotional intelligence.

I love the concept of evolution. That the purpose of life is the fulfillment of consciousness. That we are here to expand and grow and we do that through connection and seeing the lessons and feeling the feelings. Guiding parents is my vehicle in assisting folks to see the potential in themselves and their children. I guide parents in learning about human development and clearing the blocks from their own early experiences that cloud their natural parenting intuition and their ability to know their own true selves. In my experience I know that once the blocks (undigested emotions from their own early experiences) are integrated bonding and healthy attachment, as well as personal expansion and ultimately freedom, naturally occur.

My goal is to support, educate and inspire parents to welcome and care for their babies and children in ways that support their innate wholeness and allow them to enter the world with the least interference toward personal evolution as possible. This cannot be done to the exclusion of the parents because there is no baby without (m)other! My goal is to help parents learn to emotionally regulate and know themselves so that they can emotionally regulate and know their children. And in knowing themselves and their children everyone’s lives are richer and more expanded.

The way the morning flows can set the tone for the day. If things are hectic and everyone is racing around, there is less connection and less fun. However, when you choose to slow things down, connect and enjoy the time you have together before leaving for the day, everyone feels better and things go smoother. It’s not always easy but it certainly is worth giving it a try.

Here are some simple and practical tips for slowing down the morning:

• Get up and get going. When you get out of bed just 15 minutes before everyone else it gives you a chance to set some intentions for how you want things to go.

• Get yourself ready before the rest of the family rises.

• Do something just for you even if it’s just for for 5 minutes. Drink a cup of tea/coffee, write in your  journal, meditate, stretch, etc. Take the time to check in and be with yourself.

• Connect, connect, connect. Your child’s been asleep for many hours and needs some emotional filling up before he/she is ready to do the tasks of the morning. Taking just a minute or two to snuggle, shares some kisses or sing a song as you carry your child to the bathroom can make the “have to’s” go a lot smoother for everyone involved.

• In efforts to help your little ones stay on track with doing what needs to get done, break things down into simple chunks and connect in between each thing. For example hug then brush teeth… hug then get dressed….hug then get shoes on…

• Set things up the night before for a smooth and easy morning. Prepare breakfast and lunches for the next day, get bags packed and place them by the door, let your children sleep in the clothes they will wear the next day if dressing is too big of a battle in the morning. Make it easy so you are able to be more present with the people and less focused on the tasks.

I’m reading Your Child’s Self-Esteem by Dorothy Corkille Briggs. I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but truly this is perhaps the best parenting book I’ve read so far. And trust me, I’ve read a lot! She is speaking my language loud and clear — slow down, tune into your children, understand where they are in their development, recognize that as a parent you are seeing your children through the “haze of filters born of our past experiences, personal needs and cultural values”.

Another reason I love this book, beyond the fabulous ideas and amazing examples, is the fact that it was published in 1970. And as a result, the children in the examples have names like Gladys and Larry and Marlene and Bertha. How many baby Gladys’ have you heard about lately?

Here’s an excerpt that speaks to the heart of Slow Family Living:

Do you focus so much on doing things for your child that you forget to focus on him as a person? Do you rush so fast to bake the cookies, sew clothes, make money for his education that you overlook him?

Or do you take time out-in those small moments when he brings a feeling or thought, or during a special time he can count on-to be fully open to him? You answer this question every day by your behavior. You can lose sight of the wonder of your child if you attend habitually to activities, the past, or the future, rather than his “particularness” at this moment.

Ahhhhh, music to my ears.

A special thanks to the fabulous mama of my friend Matt, Dr. Marcia Kinsey, who gave me this book along with Haim Ginott’s classic Between Parent and Child. She was certainly a mama way ahead of her time.

Check out these books. They’re total goodness.

…this seven year old person is full of goodness.

Connection. Connection to what you’re doing and whom you’re doing it with. Slow food is about connecting to the growers and the cooks and the people with whom you’re sharing a meal and the food itself. Slow travel is about seeing where you’re going and connecting with the place and the people. And Slow Family life is about connecting with those with whom you share your roof, your life, your days and years.

Today we were slow in our movement but not in our intention. Something happened somewhere along the line that made us spiral into petty fighting and bickering and picking at each other for not much at all.

Yesterday felt perfect. Perhaps because it was Christmas day and  I was intentional about that. About making sure that on our urban hike we stayed close and connected and interacted with pure good intention. And we did. We all loved being together all day and we all loved the gifts bestowed upon us and the walk we took and the city we live in and the 75 degree temps we were feeling.

Today though we slipped. We had a good morning of thrifting and finding treasures for friends and family far and wide. But once we returned back home it was tough. We ended the day all knowing that somewhere we screwed up and it felt good to nobody and tomorrow we want to do it differently.

So though it felt slow in its movement, it didn’t feel slow in its emotion. And I think that’s the key – more than anything else. Do we all feel connected to the task and the people we’re with? If not, than we can be moving like molasses and it doesn’t make any difference at all.

The purpose of slow is connection. To the tasks and the people we’re with. I’ve got to remember that.

I just blogged at my other blog about my worries of inadequacy this time of year. I usually have a handle on it but this year, though I’ve thought lots about how it will go, I didn’t do enough of the actual footwork towards getting it all done. Now, 2 days to go, I’m trying to salvage a feeling of peace and joy.

So, I come here to blog some more, and I read a comment regarding the Gift Giving page and I am inspired once again. I did get the hammock. And a few other toys of great connection – games and rockets and models to build together. But I was feeling like it needed something more. So the comment from Kami about building a stocked picnic basket was exactly what I needed to bump it up where I want it to be. We are going on a picnic on Christmas day anyway (also thanks to Kami’s inspiration) so, a beautifully stocked basket will be the perfect intro to that outing.

I love finding ideas from other mamas, other families, other people. That is one of the great beauties of the blog world.

…figuring out ways to transition smoothly and thoughtfully into our winter break. The school schedule is rigid – rising unnaturally at 6:40 a.m., rushing through breakfast and into shoes and coats and WOOSH out the door we go. Three kids dressed, ready, fed in less than an hour is not always a “slow” pace. We have figured out some tricks to make it a little smoother but it never actually feels truly slow.

Now we transition from this schedule into 18 glorious days of break. We are not traveling or gathering even and I am looking forward to a family vacation right here at home. I am looking forward to crafting and walks and holiday movie classics with popcorn and hot chocolate and spacious, spacious time.

I am this morning trying to come up with some ritual to make the transition more recognized and more intentional rather than just sliding mindlessly in. I love ritual and I love creating it too and I’ve got to get moving if I’m going to make this one a good one.