USA Today had a big story yesterday about slowing things down for your family. They touched on some of the points such as cutting out some of the excess activities and really putting the connection in place now so that you can have connection down the road.
Read it yourself and let me know what you think…‘Slow
family’ movement focuses on fewer outside activities – USATODAY.com
I got this great message sent to me by my friend Kathie, who is often sending me great tidbits of wisdom of her own or others. This bit of parenting wisdom came from an interview with the German philosopher we all know and love: Eckhart Tolle .
I love his reminder that teaching comes from modeling. I love using our own meltdowns to remind ourselves and our children that the emotion is not us. It is just emotion. And it washes over us and through us but then it is done. I love his reminders that actual experience speaks volumes over virtual ones. I love the way that reading Eckhart Tolle echoes in my head with a German accent.
I’ve highlighted some of the points that particularly spoke to me. Does this speak to you? (Feel free to read it with a German accent if you like.)
Q: Can we help our children and others that we love to transcend their unconsciousness? Or is it necessary for them to go through it on their own?
ET: There are more children born nowadays who may not have to go through the deep unconsciousness that [adults] had to go through, certainly that I had to go through. And also there are more children born nowadays to parents who are in the awakening process, or relatively conscious parents. In my generation, I can’t think of any conscious parents. There might have been some, but it was rare. They are still rare now, but much less rare than before. I loved my parents, but they were deeply unconscious. So, the question is how to help the children stay relatively conscious, so that they do not get drawn into the mass unconsciousness that still pervades mass culture, and the technology that promotes unconsciousness and addictive behavior.
The most powerful teaching is not what you say or do to them, but your state of consciousness at home. That’s the very foundation for teaching your children. It has nothing to do with teaching, the foundation for transmitting consciousness is not even wanting to transmit consciousness to them, but to hold the space of presence as you interact with them at home. Also, to hold presence as much as possible as you interact with your partner. There’s a relationship there that will infect them, with either presence or painbody.
The most vital thing is, before even thinking of doing anything, is being conscious. They observe how you behave, and they take that on board to some extent. Of course, another influence is mass culture, as they spend more time at school. Occasionally there may be things that you can point out to them, so that they stay in touch with immediate experience, sensory experience. Don’t let them lose touch with nature. So many children these days are so involved in technological games, they don’t experience nature anymore. It’s something totally alien to them. That’s a very harmful thing. It’s a great deprivation, to be deprived of the immediate experience of the natural world, which puts you in touch with deeper levels of your own being. To have an animal at home is a great help. If children relate to the dog, it’s a non-conceptual relationship. You can touch the dog, look after the dog. Getting out into nature periodically, without the gadgets that [kids] usually have.
[Watching] television is a state of semi-comotose hypnosis. It may not be easy because everybody else is doing that kind of thing. It’s not that you have to eliminate that kind of activity completely, but discourage them from spending 100% of their free time with those things. Take them into nature, without the gadgets. Encourage them to direct sensory experience – to touch, to feel, to look at things. Encourage them to not confuse conceptual labeling with true knowledge or experience.
When [kids] are learning language, encourage them not to equate concepts with reality. When you teach them what something is, encourage them to touch it, to see it, to feel it, not just to say, “this is called such-and-such”. Continue to look at it. Otherwise, you stop experiencing – and all you have is a mental label.
Questioner: They label themselves, as well. I’ve noticed this with my daughter, she will come home and say “I’m stupid” at this or that.
ET: That’s a good way to encourage her not to identify with her thoughts. So if you can point out that it’s just a thought, and that they don’t have to believe in every thought that comes. If you can somehow work with them to have them realize that they are not their thoughts, so that there’s a space between them and their thoughts, to observe their thoughts, and when thoughts come you can explain “it’s no more than a thought” and it may not be the reality, it may not be true.
Most humans have painbody. Dis-identify from the painbody by pointing out that this is the painbody. I’ve often said not to call it “painbody” for the children. Give it a name, call it something, and mention it when occasionally they get taken over by it. Point it out to them afterwards, “what was that, that took you over?” so that an awareness develops. There’s the emotion, and there’s the awareness. Encourage that kind of thing, so that they are able to look at the emotion that takes them over from time to time. And after the event, not during the event initially, say to them, “What was it that took you over when you started screaming yesterday? What was that?” and say, “What does it feel like?” or invent some game, so that you can make it into something that they can be aware of. Then “let’s wait for next time it comes, and see how it feels”. If you have it, then you can point out after you’ve woken up from your painbody – “the same thing happened to me”. The key in education is to show the possibility of being aware, rather than always being identified with what arises in their mind.
We’re experiencing a few technical difficulties with our shop. Since I’m just returning from a week in the woods with 16 girls ages 8-12, I’m not really ready to dive in and figure it all out. That and the fact that our amazing web guru Websy Daisy is taking a few days for some family time at the beach, means technology is being placed in the back seat. All good family reasons, right?
If you’re really needing those workbooks before Monday, send an email to Bernadette and she’ll be happy to hook you up with whatever Slow Family guidance you need!
And while you’re perusing for some ideas for family connection, Bernadette’s book co-written with Kathie Sever, is
OUT ON THE BOOKSTORE SHELVES!!! Make Stuff Together is available to you right now chock full of ideas for some good creative family time.
We received a sweet box in the mail the other day. Perfectly sized and illustrated with a sweet little manatee drawing. Inside were 3 beautiful 
board books with an outdoorsy theme – including one featuring illustrations by the amazing Charley Harper whose 1960s era science book artwork is getting some acclaim right now. The books were lovely and well received by our resident pre-schooler.
But the box was kind of cool too. In order to bring back the old idea that the box is as much fun as the contents, this box came with “instructions” for use. Ideas for making robots or other fun box creations, corn starch packing peanuts that could be used for building and drawings to be colored in and used for the aforementioned box creations.
The idea comes from Blue Manatee Boxes, a little independent bookstore in Ohio. Started by a pediatrician, the idea is a return to basics and the idea too that in this age of fast paced learning and high tech toys, what’s old, such as a cardboard box, can be new again. And used by kids for imaginative play.
If you know of some household that could use a little creative inspiration, not to mention some really beautiful books which can be purchased by such themes as art, eco, baby, birthday or love, The Blue Manatee Boxes are pretty sweet. And might just inspire some good play on a hot summer day.
And if you aren’t in the market for books right now, I hope this post inspires you to look at the next cardboard box you receive with a more imaginative eye.
Have you seen this magazine? It’s one of my favorites by far. Sure it falls into the parenting category of magazines but it’s way more than any parenting mag I’ve ever read. It’s got good essays and fiction. Lots of humor. It always holds a good meaty feature story. And it’s got tidbits of newsworthy pieces pertinent to your role as parent. There are no how-tos such as top ten ways to get your child to sleep or to get them to eat. It holds no strong views on whether or not you should nurse or circumcise or co-sleep or vaccinate. Instead it’s just got really good writing. And thoughtful discussions. And funny cartoons.
And, perhaps one of the greatest things, it arrives quarterly. That means you’ll have no pile-ups of unread issues or backlog of materials. You know how those monthly mags can sometimes go? You’ve finally picked up one and the next one is stuffed into your mailbox? With Brain,Child you’ll be super psyched when each issue arrives and if you’re smart, or lucky, or both, you’ll carve out a little solo mama reading time all to your very own so you can fully dive into each issue. Is it wrong that a parenting magazine makes you want to stop parenting in order to be able to fully digest each issue?
Referred to as the magazine for thinking moms, it really is one of my favorite magazines of all time. And even if I’m not
in total thinking mom mode, it can bring me there a lot faster.
For the next week only Brain,Child is offering a special rate to Slow Family Living readers. Just $19.95 for one year and $34.00 for two years. Click here to get it while it’s hot. No limit on the number of subscriptions! Good for renewals AND gifts.
There’s a link that’s been going around about doing nothing for 2 minutes. Have you seen it? It’s a simple concept and really needs no further explanation. The only thing it needs, sometimes, is a little prodding and a little convincing. It’s amazing how good it can feel to allow yourself to pause. And how it can be just the thing to bring you completely back to center.
And it’s got all the components necessary for living your slow family life…
It’s the slowing down. It’s the connection to self and to center. And it’s finding the joy that the pause and the connection can bring.
So go ahead take a 2 minute break. Either on the site with the pleasant wave sounds emanating from your computer speakers. Or just try it on your own sitting in the kitchen with the stove timer set. For simplicity’s sake, you can even bump it up a notch by setting your timer to 2:22. Do nothing for 2 minutes and 22 seconds.
Why not try it everyday? Set your alarm on your phone for 2:22 and set your timer for 2:22. Right before the kids get home from school!
Now, that’s the shift!
If you have been reading this site over the past couple of years you would know that we are big fans and proponents of allowing space in a child’s life for pure imaginative play. In imaginative play there is so much creativity and inspiration and development for those growing brains of our kids. Without ads, children can learn so much about themselves and the world they live in, without sway of billions and billions of dollars of commercial influence.
Recently we were introduced to Pure Play Kids – a toy company started by Mike and Tania Grant who were on a quest to find the best possible playthings for their own kids. “After examining every aspect of the children’s products industry, it became clear that much was wrong with how children’s products are designed, manufactured, marketed, sold, used, and discarded in the United States. Pure Play Kids was formed to fundamentally improve the marketplace for children’s products and to provide parents with superior choices for raising their own families.
Play is the work of children, and toys are the tools. Play is sacred, and toys should be cherished. Through unstructured play we nurture our imaginations and develop emotionally, socially and cognitively. Pure Play Kids stands for toys that are kid-powered (not battery-powered), open-ended (not pre-programmed), and will grow with kids (allowing parents to buy better, not buy more).”
Visit their website. Find out about their mission of providing beautiful products that are kinder to the world we live in. And read about the Living Room Impact test which states that Pure Play Products will look far better occupying all rooms of your house than will plastic toys!
Check out the July/August issue of Mothering Magazine for an article of mine on allowing risk. It’s a fine line for parents and one that is sometimes hard to walk. And even harder sometimes to defend when others are there to watch and comment.
And I love the photo of our giant steel slide – from hereonin referred to as our “monument to risk”. How could you not want to read about that?
I am a co-founder of Slow Family Living but beyond that I am a writer. It was my writing actually that first inspired Carrie and I to collaborate. And from that collaboration came Slow Family. I often write about family life on my blog and cover such things as parenting four children, the funny points, the sweet points and the low points too.
Before the blog there were the essays. Also many about family life but about life in general: past, present and future. Sometimes they get sent off to magazines and get printed such as one coming up in the July issue of Mothering Magazine. Other times they get sent off and then sent back only to sit idle in my computer. Just recently I started compiling them, very slowly I might add, to this other site of mine called Writerisms. (I collect blogs for a hobby) There is one essay I just put up that I thought might be pertinent to Slow Family readers. It’s called From Where I Sit. And it’s about the experience of meeting each child where they are. And recognizing too the fleeting nature of it all.
photo by 500 pound leon
There is definitely not a Slow Family stance on vaccines because we really believe families need to do what is right for them. We know however that it is a discussion that presents itself always when parents get together and discuss the health and well being of their children. And a dialogue that can often get heated as families decide what is right for their children and what is right for the community at large. It is a decision that often makes parents feel confused as to what to do.
We just received an announcement from the producers of Frontline that their show The Vaccine Wars will be aired next Tuesday on PBS. Check out the preview and then participate in the dialogue on the Frontline website. It’s a heavy topic and will only get heavier if we’re not informed.
