Check out the July/August issue of Mothering Magazine for an article of mine on allowing risk. It’s a fine line for parents and one that is sometimes hard to walk. And even harder sometimes to defend when others are there to watch and comment.
And I love the photo of our giant steel slide – from hereonin referred to as our “monument to risk”. How could you not want to read about that?
I am a co-founder of Slow Family Living but beyond that I am a writer. It was my writing actually that first inspired Carrie and I to collaborate. And from that collaboration came Slow Family. I often write about family life on my blog and cover such things as parenting four children, the funny points, the sweet points and the low points too.
Before the blog there were the essays. Also many about family life but about life in general: past, present and future. Sometimes they get sent off to magazines and get printed such as one coming up in the July issue of Mothering Magazine. Other times they get sent off and then sent back only to sit idle in my computer. Just recently I started compiling them, very slowly I might add, to this other site of mine called Writerisms. (I collect blogs for a hobby) There is one essay I just put up that I thought might be pertinent to Slow Family readers. It’s called From Where I Sit. And it’s about the experience of meeting each child where they are. And recognizing too the fleeting nature of it all.
photo by 500 pound leon
There is definitely not a Slow Family stance on vaccines because we really believe families need to do what is right for them. We know however that it is a discussion that presents itself always when parents get together and discuss the health and well being of their children. And a dialogue that can often get heated as families decide what is right for their children and what is right for the community at large. It is a decision that often makes parents feel confused as to what to do.
We just received an announcement from the producers of Frontline that their show The Vaccine Wars will be aired next Tuesday on PBS. Check out the preview and then participate in the dialogue on the Frontline website. It’s a heavy topic and will only get heavier if we’re not informed.
Gever Tulley was here in Austin this weekend, as you may well know from me going on and on on my various blogs and sites. He is the founder of the Tinkering School, now a summer camp but one day soon perhaps a K-12. I was fortunate to share a stage with him and with Carrie Contey on Friday night and then participate in various workshops all weekend long.
He had a lot to say about working with kids, and how we can give them the reins a little bit more than we do. We can trust their skills and their knowledge and, when the actual facts may not be there just yet, we can trust their creativity and problem solving. In Tinkering School the elders are known as collaborators, not teachers. “They may have bigger hands that can tighten a nut a little tighter, but that doesn’t make them the authority.”
I am really going to try to take those words and that sentiment into my parenting. I am going to try to remember the collaborative part. Because really, since we’ve been around longer, we may know more about what already is, but we don’t know more about the ideas that have yet to be formed. (I am going to make this my new mantra.) I’m going to try to listen more and dictate less. I am going to trust that the mistakes are part of the process and that really, there is often more to be learned from the mistakes than from an easy success. So, though as parents we have a desire to “save” our kids from failing/falling/faltering, perhaps the very best thing we can do is to let them experience it on their own and from there give them the tools and support they need to figure out the solution.
Gever wasn’t really speaking about parenting, but really he was.
As noted in the last post, our own Carrie Contey gave a beautiful talk at the Tedx event here in Austin last week. While we’re still awaiting videos of the event, these amazing post-it note records from Austin artist Austin Kleon, are a pretty great capture of some of the ideas presented. Here’s his rendition of the good doctor Contey…
Slow Family Living is also in Rhythm of the Home, an online quarterly magazine celebrating warmth, celebration, play and connection for happy, creative, connected family life. In addition to the article about the whys and ways of slowing down, connecting and enjoying family life, there is a super sweet picture of my husband and son taken on a family camp out a few years ago.
In the Huffington Post today there was an article about women and sleep – and whether getting more of it could help women rise to the top of their fields, professions, games. Motherlode author Lisa Belkin wrote about it too and pondered whether the issue was really a choice for women or whether they often really just had more to do on the homefront – i.e. nursing, waking to a child’s cries, domestic duties, hormonal insomnia, etc. and therefore couldn’t get more sleep even if they wanted to.
I agree that when the wee ones are truly wee, the ball often lands in the mom’s court as far as sleep is concerned. Biologically it’s the deal and there isn’t a whole lot to do about it short of extra work at some other point in the day in regards to pumping and bottling, etc. But I think that after that, when the kids actually do sleep through the night, it’s about choice: Will I get everything done, myself, my way, every night, and suffer the fatigue? Will I solicit some help from the family in regards to domestic duties? Will I turn off the computer and head to bed? Will I even occasionally leave things undone and go for the extra sleep even though the laundry, dishes, paperwork or more is left for another day? I know for myself, there has to be the turn-off point. And whether I do it at 10:00 or midnight, there is never a point of everything being done. And that’s with a partner who does A LOT.
Last fall I was lucky enough to have a consult with a local herbalist, Ginger Webb of Texas Medicinals. I went to her for problems of memory loss. After talking for a while she said, “You’re not suffering memory issues, you’re suffering overwhelm.” She prescribed “profound sleep” (more than 9 hours at a stretch) and an herb tincture called ashwaganda. I love the term profound sleep and I use it now as a guiding force making sure that at least one night a week I get my recommended 9 or more hours. Other nights too I try to cash it in a little earlier than I was leaving my night owl tendencies behind on nights where the morning comes at 6:20 a.m.. And I take the tincture nightly as a way for entering calmly into deep and restful sleep. Both have made a profound difference in how I feel and communicate and go about my days.
Just this past week, in an effort to lighten the work load on both my partner and myself, we reinstituted our family job chart. We had it going for a while, a while back, and then, somehow it just kind of stopped. For nearly a year we’ve been without it – instead randomly assigning jobs and more often too, just deciding to do the jobs ourselves instead. For many of the tasks, somehow we decided it was easier to just do it ourselves – which is only true for the time being, definitely not for the long run. Not that we didn’t have the kids doing things but it was way more random and way more special occasion too. And now, daily tasks are back. With it’s sleek new design and added bonus jobs, and older kids at the helm, I can already see it’s impact on the house. Regularly things get done. With a lot less nagging too because, well, it’s there on the chart.
So, to the sleep challenge presented by Arianna Huffington, in a roundabout way, the job chart is going to allow me to get more sleep. Because there really is less to do. And even if it’s not done that night, it’ll get done the next day and it doesn’t all have to be done by me, or by my husband either. Do you want to take the more sleep challenge? And if so, how would you go about it?
Perhaps you read the article in this week’s Time Magazine by Nancy Gibbs about overparenting, slow parenting, free range parenting. Perhaps that is how you found us. We are certainly glad to be a part of it all. And glad too, to have had Nancy Gibbs sitting with us for our Slow Family workshop sharing in the conversation and eating, yes, gluten free, dairy free, locally made coconut ice cream. Because one thing for sure about Austin, it is chock full of all types of entrepreneurial and extremely creative and passionate individuals, foodies among them.
The tag line for Slow Family Living is slow down, connect, enjoy. Our goal in all of the work we do, our e*books and workshops and talks and blog posts and interviews, is to help families find ways to do just that. To pause. To connect. And to truly enjoy family life. Of course, what is slow looks different in every household, but what remains the same is the fact that if we want to build lifelong family connection, we can start putting it in place now, creating small connections in the day to day: eye contact, ritual and tradition, talking, familial incubation, and pausing, as a family unit, to check in with each other and create intimate connection. For now and for the long haul.
There are scientific reasons why slowing down is important. In order to integrate all we see, hear and learn in a day, our brains must be given the chance to absorb the information into our whole selves. And there are emotional reasons too. When we slow down we are given the chance to see, hear, feel and understand each individual and the family as a whole, and ask the ever present question, “is this working for us?”
If this is your first time here, we hope you’ll browse around and read our blog posts and our manifesto and articles and maybe download our e*books as well. In their 30 some odd pages, they are full of good information and writing exercises for finding ways to live family life the way that feels best for you. Because one thing for sure, family life looks different for each and every family. But the desire and need for connection are truly universal themes.
I can’t prove that this is coming directly from the Dalai Lama. Regardless, it seems like wise words to live by so here you go…
1. Spend 5 minutes at the beginning of each day remembering we all want the same things (to be happy and to be loved) and we are all connected to one another.
2. Spend 5 minutes breathing in, cherishing yourself; and, breathing out cherishing others. If you think about people you have difficulty cherishing, extend your cherishing to them anyway.
3. During the day extend that attitude to everyone you meet. Practice cherishing the “simplest” person (clerks, attendants, etc.) or people you dislike.
4. Continue this practice no matter what happens or what anyone does to you.
These thoughts are very simple, inspiring and helpful. The practice of cherishing can be taken very deeply if done wordlessly, allowing yourself to feel the love and appreciation that already exists in your heart.
This quote, and a treasure trove of others, can be found here.
Some of you may know that one of my all time favorite magazines is Brain,Child. It is thoughtful, thought provoking, sentimental, informative, creative, inspirational and just a damn good read with some really amazing writing. It has feature stories, essays, fiction, reviews, debate and has been called “The New Yorker of parent magazines.” Its tagline is “the magazine for thinking moms” but it is more than that, it is a magazine for thinking people of all ilks. It is the one magazine that when it arrives I read it cover to cover and because it comes quarterly, it is decidedly slow living. You can explore their current issue here.
Brain,Child is having their 10th anniversary soon and in honor of, they are offering a 10% discount to all Slow Family Living readers. To get your discount just type in discount code: ABATX35 Tell them Slow Family sent you.
If you’ve been on this site for a while you may remember a post about a documentary called Consuming Kids. It’s put out by the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood and it’s all about making sure that the marketing machine that is aimed directly at families and kids stays regulated. And believe me, they’ve got a big job ahead of them.
Just recently this same center had a big victory with getting Disney, (yes, big giant Disney) to offer a refund for any Baby Einstein products purchased since 2004. The threat of a class action lawsuit regarding false advertising claims of smarter infants and toddlers and kids was what convinced Disney to take this step.
It’s a limited offer, so help us spread the word by sharing this info with any parents and especially grandparents you may know. The grandparents seemed to be an equally large target for those claims of producing bigger, smarter, faster infants.
And now does this mean that infants and kids can be left to their own pace? Well, it’s a step in the right direction to be sure.
