Mother’s day is coming. The day to celebrate, appreciate, laude and commemorate. As it approaches I think, oh, it’s a gift shop holiday, who cares. I remember my own mom implying sort of the same thing except for the year my mom, who never swore, said to us kids as we were simultaneously handing her cards and fighting over the last something or another, “Oh mother’s day, schmothers day, it’s all bullshit.”

Do you dismiss mother’s day as just another hallmark holiday? But then when the day arrives think things like, “hey, how come you didn’t do anything for me???” As kids it’s hard to know what to do. Make a card of course, but then what? Make a fuss? Leave mom alone? Celebrate her all day? Or just give her space to not mother for a few hours?

My friend and inspiration, Carrie Contey has written up a great little post on just how to avoid falling in this trap. How to figure out what we want and how to make it happen without requiring those around us to interpret our thought process. As she so eloquently puts it - stating what you want = getting what you need. Done and done!

However you choose to spend it, whether your kids are big or small, near or far, I hope you take a little time to celebrate and honor your own self. I plan on starting the day with a few appreciations of my own, state my time for a little time alone in the morning, and then after that, I’m just gonna go with the flow. Outside. Where the flow is sometimes a little easier to get into.

I know it’s a little ways off but it’s coming. Here in Austin we have the already 90 degree days to remind us of the fact and of course the school calendar tells us too. So it’s time to start pondering what will our family’s summer will look like.

Perhaps you’ve already signed up for camps. Or created some of your own. Perhaps you’ve purchased plane tickets or blocked off a couple of weeks for a family vacation.

Or maybe not.

Either way, it’s coming. And it will stretch out before us all whether we are working or not, camps or not, vacations or not.

So what will you do with it? What will you do with the longer daylight and the later bedtimes and the hot evenings that long for something to do? Where do you want to go? Who do you want to see? What books are on your reading list? How will you make it so you don’t get to the end and go, “oh shoot, we should have done/seen/gone…” or so that you don’t get to the middle and say, “Wait, what was that thing we wanted to do?”

A couple of years ago, my Future Craft Collective partner-in-making Kathie Sever and I created a thing we call the Family Summer Intentions and Inspirations Banner  for Craftzine. It’s pretty straightforward and offers a way of figuring out as a family what you want to read, where you want to go, who you want to see, what you want to do, and when you can fit it all in. You can make it once and use it year after year or you can make one each year, using a simpler layout. Ours is sewn but you can even tape and/or staple it all together if that’s more your style. The how of making it doesn’t matter. It’s the what that is the point of it all!

So take a look. Then call a family meeting and figure out your family’s summer plans

Do you know about Austin Mini Maker Faire? It’s going to be an amazing event with everything from technology to craft. There will be music and robots and birdhouses and soap making and so many cool things that will inspire you and let you get your hands dirty!

May 12 10-6pm at Pine Street Station in downtown Austin.

Want to win 2 free adult tickets? Head on over to Future Craft Collective for a chance…

I asked my two older kids yesterday if they had to apply percentages to my parenting joyfulness vs. my crankiness, what would it be. One said 75/25 and the other said 60/40. I wasn’t too dismayed by the 75/25 but 60/40??!! Seriously? That means almost half the time I seem cranky? That is just completely unacceptable. Later on my husband gave me a much higher score but still, if the kids view me as someone who’s cranky that much, something’s totally got to give.

So I made a goal of 90/10. That seemed doable and seemed more realistic that going for 100%. Even my daughter admitted that she didn’t really want a mom who was 100% joyful. Too much pressure to perform I guess. She also said sometimes she likes to get my goat and it wouldn’t be as fun if she knew I was always just gonna be on the joy bus. (she admitted it!!)

Shortly after this conversation I went to the grocery store with my son and we had a total joy fest. Seriously, we had so much fun. And I truly believe the fun factor was bumped simply because I made a choice to go for the joy. It felt that easy.

As we made our way through the store I let some things go that I might have corrected or fixed or minded before. I laughed at things that I might have felt the need to object to before – like when he said he was going to ride his skateboard down the empty aisle, I just smiled and thought to myself, go ahead. It won’t impact anyone and if it does, they’ll tell him. Instead of me being the one who objected or corrected I simply raised one eyebrow and smiled. He then laughed too and said he really had no intention of doing it, he was just joking. Then we played “what if…”. What if he really did it. What if we all did it. What if people were just going nuts riding up and down the aisles and swinging around the corners. Later on we took photos in the parking lot. I pulled him on his skateboard as we returned the cart to the cart lot. We played. We laughed. We still got everything done that needed to get done. Only it was way more fun. We even got a few smiles from passersby who were enjoying our playfulness. And it all took way less time than it would have otherwise.

There was a Lamborghini in the parking lot!

We went through the whole store like that and weirdly felt like we were on vacation. And I realized that’s what a decision for joy feels like. Like vacation. When I let certain things go that I might not let go of otherwise. When I move through tasks easily and fluidly because, well, we’re on vacation and the thing we’re doing right then is the only thing that matters.

And I realized too, that’s the feeling that joy brings. That what we’re doing at that very moment is really the only thing that matters. And doing it joyfully makes it easier, more fun, more connected and more satisfying.

I’m changing my goal to 95/5. That seems realistic for most days. And fun too. And I’m going to rate my own percentages at the end of each day. Who knows, I might even make up little rating cards for my family. RATE MOM’S JOY PERCENTAGE. But mostly it’ll be about a feeling. And when I feel it, I’ll know it for sure.

As free as the wind blows, as free as the grass grows, I want to be free! At least for a few days, wouldn’t it be fun to have your whole family be free from screens?

Do you know about the Campaign for a Commercial Free Childhood? They do a lot of good work lobbying to get commercials and marketing and advertising out of children’s lives and out of public schools. They bring a lot to light for families and for organizations in regards to just how much advertising is thrust at our children, at our families, from birth on. Check out their website to see just how much good work they do.

This month they are also organizing the annual SCREEN FREE WEEK from April 30th-May 6th. It’s a great way for families and children to break away from the screens for a week and see just how big a part screens play in our lives. Everyone on their own screen - watching, texting, reading, exploring and zoning out on the screen be it phone, computer, tv, game station or other. It’s sort of relentless. It’s not that screen usage is bad, au contraire! But the numbers show that the average child spends 7.5 hours per day on a screen. That’s a lot of time staring at electronics. And a lot of time not engaging with the world and with each other.

In our house during school days we do a couple hours everyday screen free – from 5-7 there’s no surfing, texting, emailing, viewing. It’s not always easy. But it feels pretty good. And 2 hours feels totally doable.

Can you do it? Do you dare? Can your family be screen free? Can you turn it all off (excluding work of course which still must get done!) Can you spend that time doing something else? Here’s some ideas to get you going…

• Go outside and lay in the grass.
• Hug a tree
• Play jumprope
• Draw on the sidewalk with chalk
• Play a game
• Draw together
• Go for a walk
• Look up random words in the dictionary
• Visit a neighbor
• Have friends over
• Throw a party – invite only your own family
• Have a fancy dinner
• Play charades
• Listen to music
• Build something

Take a week and slow it down. Connect with each other and with nature and with your imagination. See what you come up with. And if you’ve got some screen free ideas of your own, let me know.

…and this is what it’s like.

I came to that conclusion many moons ago, when I was on the cusp of true adulthood, before partnership, before children. I was working the graveyard shift in an Austin cafe, sweeping the floor at 5am, after the late night crowds had left and before the shiny breakfast crew arrived. As I swept, I pondered, “I wonder what my life is going to be like.” And then I realized, “Oh, this is my life. And this is what it’s like.”

My mom, age 87, says it this way, “this is not a dress rehearsal. This is it.”

Now is what we’ve got. It’s up to us to make it good. Make it count. Make it joyful and fill the moments with the things we want in life. From this truth is the why and the where from which Slow Family Living really began, with the idea that this is what we’ve got. Right here. Right now. And we can make the moments count.

It’s sometimes hard to remember that within the minutiae we can find and create the joy and connection we truly desire. But sometimes all it takes is a shift of attitude. And a recognition that this is our life. And this is what it’s like.

This little video from The Happiness Project really sums it up nicely. Take a minute, that’s all it is, and treat yourself to a viewing. It sums up nicely the power of creating connection with all we love now in order to have the connection for our whole lives long.

I went to a beautiful wedding this weekend at which a married couple served as the officiants. As they spoke to the bride and groom the one spoke of the need to keep a “soft eye,” a term he had heard on The Wire about the need to see the big picture rather than just focusing on the evidence in front of you.

“You know what you need at a crime scene? Soft eyes.” Detective Bunk

He instructed the bride and groom that in a marriage, it was necessary to keep a soft eye in order to keep seeing the whole scene. He told them not to focus on the one infraction or misspoken word but rather keep a soft eye on the love they had for each other.

I searched the term “soft eye” today and learned that it is a martial arts term, also used often in horseback riding, and means to take in the periphery of the scene – to take in everything but be distracted by nothing.  According to the Urban Dictionary a soft eye is “The ability to see the whole thing. If you have hard eyes, you’re just staring at the tree and missing the forest.”

In family life I can think of nothing more essential than to keep a soft eye.

What are we doing here all together? What is the essence of our family forest? Not what is happening right this minute but what is the overarching desire/feeling/emotion? What’s in our big picture?

How can we remember the joy, love and connection when there are harsh tones being used or piles of endless work to do or a child who won’t go to bed or seemingly incessant whining or hunger or fatigue on everyone’s part?

Keep a soft eye. Stay focused on the big picture.

I’m going to try it. I’ll let you know how it goes.

*Thank you Eric!

I am fully immersed in the Hunger Games trilogy. I am notoriously a slow reader but I finished the first one in a week, looking for any moment possible to pick up the much read tattered copy and read a few pages. Deliciously compelling. And I found it amazing how often I could find a few minutes squeeze in a little reading time.

You know that feeling of a good book? When you can’t wait to steal a couple of minutes from the day in order to jump in? When you are somehow able to put everything else on the back burner in order to immerse yourself in the glorious world of whatever book has got your grip? It’s so satisfying and even decadent in a way. To put the world on hold in pursuit of this incredible immersion.

And then I started thinking…

What if…

What if we could apply that same feeling to family life? What if, when we were home together in the afternoons or evenings, we could give family time that same attention that we give to a really good book. What if, on weekends we would get stuff done in between the family time instead of the other way around.

I’m going to try it this week and see just how many moments I can steal away from the world in order to be with the best unfolding story tellers I know. One person, one day, one lifetime at a time.

Let the next chapter begin people, I’m ready!

Last week was spring break here in Austin. And the big SXSW film/interactive/music festival too which brings in a few hundred thousand extra people to town. We had house guests join in the fun. We went to a bunch of different parties and other outdoor events most of which were just a few blocks from our house. We had no real agenda although we had a loose idea of a schedule and we all had a pretty good time. There were some low points here and there usually having something to do with hunger or fatigue but overall I think everybody got what they needed. And by Sunday we all returned home tired but happy.

I talked to another mom today and they went camping for most of the week avoiding all the mayhem completely. By Sunday they too returned home rather satisfied at a week well spent.

Still another family stayed in town but barely left their yard and opted instead for tending to their garden, reading lots and lazing about in the temperate climate with just a hint of a drizzle. They too all got what they needed.

Yet another family of four took a crazy wild road trip going from place to place to place until they too all returned home tired but happy.

Which emphasizes a point I make quite a bit but which takes a reminder every now and again. We all like different things. Different families all have different ideas of what constitutes a good time. And we have different needs too in order to fill our proverbial vacation cups.

So I have a question for you – whether you’re heading into your own spring break, just finishing up, or dreaming about a big family trip in the future.

How do you describe a successful and satisfying family vacation?

On the road or at home? In town or far away? Action packed or sedentary? What are the elements you need to have your family vacation feel how you want it to feel? And for everyone in the family to feel like they got what they needed?

Want to try something fun today? Something that might push your boundaries a little bit. Maybe even make you a tad uncomfortable? But will (most likely) bring a day of total relaxation and bliss for your entire family?

Let them be.

Just for one day.

Photo by Katherine O Brien

Got a toddler who doesn’t want to take a bath? Let it be. Got a partner who doesn’t want to go to a party with the family? Let it be. Got a teen who wants to sleep until 2 in the afternoon? Let it be. Got a kid who doesn’t want to stop playing in order to come to the table to eat supper? Let it be. Got an adolescent who wants to lay in bed all day reading even though it’s lovely out and you think he ought to be outside playing? Let it be. Want to stay in your pajamas all day? Let it be.

Just for one day. Let it all just be.

Let everyone and everything just be what it is.

I know it can’t really be like this all the time. There’s too much going on and there’s too many things that need doing. But I wonder if for one day, if we played at really just letting it all be, we might realize that sometimes, we can let things be a little more than we do in the name of everyone getting what they need.

I wonder. What would happen.

And since we lose an hour this weekend anyway, it seems like a perfect time to try it out.