Not long ago I was dropping my daughter off at swim team and I had an hour to myself. I had some errands to run and some phone calls to make and as I drove away I pondered what I would do first. Hmm, maybe stop for a coffee somewhere? Then run my 2 quickie errands and if there was still time make the call I needed to make? I could do it all!

Instead. I did nothing.

I drove a few blocks to a nearby deserted park with an incredible view of the city. I parked the truck. Got out. Leaving my phone behind. And sat in the grass all alone. For 45 minutes. I sat. Alone. Still. Thinking. Meditating. Wondering. Pondering. Though I enjoyed the solitude and the quiet stillness of it all I did have to fight the little piece of me that wanted to produce, perform, consume and connect.Call, write, text, run, work, do.

It dawned on me how often I fill those chunks of alone time with things. I run to a cafe. Whip out a notebook. Check my messages. Text a friend. Listen to the radio. Check my email. And fill my head with all the doing of life. And I realize it’s easy to do. It’s not so easy to sit in the stillness. Especially when all the world is buzzing around me.

Of course as a working mother of four it’s often necessary to do. But I realize too it’s necessary to also sometimes not do. Whether I have 5 minutes or 30 I have found myself lately working on achieving quiet aloneness. In my scheduled meditation times it’s easier – to sit for 15 minutes in the stillness. But in the moments such as these periods of waiting it’s harder to convince myself of the merits. And yet, when I do, it fills me to no end and at the end I am ready to return to the world feeling a certain inner stillness that doesn’t exist otherwise. As opposed to a frenzied feeling  i feel when trying to get it all done in the small window allotted.

I’m going to try it more and more. In a crowded place I’ll just close my eyes and go into my own self. If I can find a place of solitude I’ll sit, eyes and heart and mind wide open to all the calm possibilities. Try it! Just remember to turn your phone off if you do.

And spend a little time just being.

There’s a link that’s been going around about doing nothing for 2 minutes. Have you seen it? It’s a simple concept and really needs no further explanation. The only thing it needs, sometimes, is a little prodding and a little convincing. It’s amazing how good it can feel to allow yourself to pause. And how it can be just the thing to bring you completely back to center.

And it’s got all the components necessary for living your slow family life…

It’s the slowing down. It’s the connection to self and to center. And it’s finding the joy that the pause and the connection can bring.

So go ahead take a 2 minute break. Either on the site with the pleasant wave sounds emanating from your computer speakers. Or just try it on your own sitting in the kitchen with the stove timer set.  For simplicity’s sake, you can even bump it up a notch by setting your timer to 2:22. Do nothing for 2 minutes and 22 seconds.

Why not try it everyday? Set your alarm on your phone for 2:22 and set your timer for 2:22. Right before the kids get home from school!

Now, that’s the shift!

Do you have a mantra in your parenting? In your life? I love a good mantra and I love my ongoing litany of ever changing mantras to suit my situation and my needs – both of which are also ever changing of course. The mantra provides the pause before the response. A mantra serves as a tool to guide my reaction and help me more consciously choose my path.

Sometimes my mantra has to do with how I meet those around me – especially my children.  One of my ongoing ones is I am me and he is he and she is she. It’s a statement that helps me move with their energy or their emotional experience without putting all my own memory of that age upon them. For memory is a tricky thing and it can be confusing sometimes to know whether an experience is theirs or mine.  It also helps me meet them without worrying that I won’t be able to meet them where they need to be met. Of course, I can only meet them as I am, so this mantra lets me be present without worrying that I have to always have all the answers or the fixes. Really all I’ve got to offer is me. Right now for example.Much as I’d like to think differently.

In going through my sister’s notes and journals I have found another which helps me keep from spiraling into the past wondering what-if or speculating into the future about what might be: I am here and I am now and I am whole within me. And that’s all I’ve got. Right here. Right now. And with my whole self. There are no pieces missing. Sure there is the feeling of missing someone or something, but that is just a feeling and as I am, I am whole – with that person tucked right into my very existence. And right here and right now is all I can really tend to. Sure we can plan but as life sometimes demonstrates, plans are not often what we think they’ll be and when we get anywhere, all we have is here and now and our whole selves. Sure we can look back and remember, for memories are part of our wholeness. But as for life and dealing with it and not letting it overwhelm or confound: I am here and I am now and I am whole within me.

Do you have a mantra? Something you use to carry you through your days? Something to serve as a reminder of your soul’s purpose? I’ve got many. Everchanging. I’d love to hear yours.

At ChildWild blog, one mom of two has a great post about how she slowed things down in her home. She realized that what they were doing wasn’t feeling at all slow, connected or even enjoyable. After careful consideration of both time and money, they quit everything and are now enjoying some freeform afternoons and evenings together as a family. This is what worked for them.

You may remember another post here about another family who examined their busy schedule and realized that yes, this was what they wanted and so, in the midst of all the activities, they were going to find ways to slow down, connect and enjoy things as they were. Not quit things, just be conscious of how they were moving through them.

The point being every family has to find their own slow. It looks different in every household and even within each household it might look different every season. In order to find your family’s slow, ask yourself this question, “Is this working for us?” And if you need a little more guidance than that, you can download our slow family workbook. It has some simple tools for helping each family get where they want to be.

More and more I realize that presence is what it’s all about when it comes to family life. It is my constant pursuit and I admit I’m not always that good at it. But when I achieve it I am more patient, understanding and connected too. Partly my lack of presence is based on the fact that there are 6 of us in the house which is a bit distracting at best. Partly it’s that I work for myself, which means that there is always something to be done. And partly it’s just because I don’t always make the right choice when it comes to the phone or the computer or what have you – (which only sometimes can be traced back to the fact that I work for myself.) But partly too it can be changed. By choice.

I found total presence this past weekend in a campout we took with friends. And it’s presence I want to bring with me into my daily life.

During the four days we were in the field, we had no cell phone signal. None. At. All. Which meant for me that not only did I not have the buzzing phone in my pocket, I never even knew what time it was. After the first couple times I looked at the phone for the time and remembered it was off, I finally and delightfully tossed the phone into the bottom of the knapsack, not to be dug out again until we were back at home. To have that many adults all together in a field along a river with all our kids and nobody’s time or nap or conversation or marshmallow cooking or hiking or fire sitting or singing interrupted by a ringing phone – answered or unanswered – was pure and total presence at it’s very best. It was so pure it was almost startling and it made me realize I want more of that.

And i can create it. I’m going to turn it off a little more than I currently do. I’m going to mute its ring and let the voice mail do my work for me. I’m going to start with evenings at home and maybe most weekends as well. I am certain, after this weekend especially, that it will do the trick for helping me in my constant pursuit of presence. Once I realize how few calls I get in a day, or a week even, that are emergency status, I think it’ll be easy to pursue.

Slow has become my barometer for family life. My husband says I say it to everyone, whether they understand the status or not as in, “No we just can’t do that this weekend, it’s not feeling slow.” He’s afraid someone might take it the wrong way, or get offended but really, it’s the only thing I’ve got to go on sometimes. It really has become one of my few completely reliable barometers. We RSVP to parties based on whether it will feel slow or not. We assess our weekend based on its slowness. We choose activities based on slowness. We chose our current school using this same measure because though we loved our other school, it was just too much time in the car which didn’t feel slow to me at all.

I’m not saying we’re always moving at a snail’s pace, not by any stretch, but using this slow barometer really does help me keep it sane and steady. And if things aren’t sane and steady, then I use the slow measure to figure out what feels crazy and if it’s temporary and it’s obligatory or if it is somehow serving us in some way, shape or form. It’s really working for me this measure of slowness and to have the word to apply to it all. I think it’s working for the whole family too, although admittedly sometimes my oldest wants to move through the world a little faster than I do. And sometimes we even let her drag us along on her speedy ride – but even she is grateful when we reign it all back in.

So I have a question for you. In your own life, do you ever use Slow as a barometer? I’m curious to know.

…this seven year old person is full of goodness.

My sister, mother of two teens had a media free day in their house not long ago. The teens hated it. But they loved it too. In the sense that it got them doing other stuff – sewing projects and reading and the like.

Another friend just announced they were doing a media free day tomorrow. I can’t wait to hear how it goes. I love the idea (says me as I type my blog post??) and I think it’d be cool to do it regularly. I’m going to propose it to the partner.

It would certainly qualify as a decelerant. Or, as a friend suggested we call it, a slowing. You know, instead of fasting? Does anyone else out there do this?

Our family has recently rediscovered an old favorite park of ours. For many years, we spent many hours there each week, nearly daily – planning to meet up with friends or going in hopes of stumbling upon some compadres or other home weary souls.

I am reminded this holiday break of how much we all loved our time at the park. When there we are slower, easier and kinder even and at the park there are no tasks or chores attempting to stare us down. It is a decelerant of the utmost.

When things are getting nuts at home. And things are feeling hectic or overwhelming, might I recommend a little outing to your favorite park? Or finding a new park to explore? And if you’re so inclined a bottle of wine with a few extra glasses packed in your bag is a fun idea too. You never know who you might run into.

Our friend Adam Butler, marketing genius extraordinaire and super slow dad, inspired the idea of offering a Daily Decelerant to help families slow down, connect and enjoy life just a little bit more.