When a family splits, the trauma often reverberates for years, as family members struggle to adapt to a “new normal” of mom’s house, dad’s house, and new adult partners in the mix.
Austin writer Jennifer Newcomb Marine and her children’s stepmother,Carol Marine used their own experience around divorce and remarriage to write a book called Noone’s the Bitch; strengthening step families one mother/stepmother relationship at a time. If you are the mother or the step mother and you are seeking ways to create a bridge with the other woman in your child’s life, this book is definitely for you.
Starting this week, Jennifer is hosting a 6 week tele-conference, called Transformation Labs, for women seeking solutions for their own step-family relationships. Says Jennifer, “Creating a bridge enabled us to cobble the family nest back together again. It took time and sometimes we still go backwards, but we have created a foundation that is strong and durable. Now our kids have three adults in their lives who are on the same page, clucking and fretting over them, together. I know they feel loved. They have told me they feel heard.”
If you are in a stepfamily, or know someone who is, and want to learn how to build more connection into it all, check out the work of Jennifer and Carol.
A friend’s daughter is attending camp this summer for 3 full days a week for free. They have created a great thing they call Co-op camp and all the girls involved attend 4 days a week – 3 of them for free. Here’s how it works… Each family takes the girls 1 day a week. The other 3 days the girls go to a different house. The parent is responsible for creating some camp like activity for the girls either at home or somewhere out in the community.
So far, and only one week into summer break, they have roller skated, swam in a creek and biked at the town veloway. In the weeks to come they’ll do some sewing, bowling, definitely more swimming and who knows what other fun stuff. The total cost is up to the parent – they can either find something free to do with the kids like a craft or a swimming hole or they can choose something with an entry free.
The cost benefits are obvious. Who doesn’t want to attend an innovative summer camp for free? One of the other benefits though is that the kids are getting to explore their own town in a way that they might not have done if just left to their parents devices and they are getting to do it with friends – thereby avoiding the summer cries of wanting to see more friends. And for the parents, they are then committing to spending one day each week solely dedicated to the pursuit of summer fun. Who doesn’t want to do that? In addition, one of the moms said she enjoys finding out about cool places and events in their own town which she might not have thought of or known of otherwise thereby giving her fodder for future family outings and activities.
This seems like total Slow Family to me. It’s slow, it’s connected and everyone involved is finding they are enjoying the summer more than they would have without it.
What ways are you finding to make summer more connected?
I got a beautiful Christmas card from a cousin of mine in Oakland California. It had photos of her throughout the year on her many worldly travels. Pictures too of friends and family here and there. And a very simple list, right down the middle of the page, of simple ways we as individuals can take steps to build and expand community. There are things we can do everyday, and others we can do randomly throughout the year. Things we can do on our own. And things we can do in a group. Things we can do on a whim. And others that will take a little planning.
She got the list from a site called Simple Living. It seems like a great way to kick off the new year! Here it is for all of you to try in your own communities…
Turn off your TV
Leave your house
Know your neighbors
Look up when you are walking
Greet people
Sit on your front stoop
Plant flowers
Use your library
Play together
Buy local
Share what you have
Help a lost dog
Take children to the park
Garden together
Support neighborhood schools
Fix it even if you didn’t break it
Have pot lucks
Honor elders
Pick up litter
Read stories aloud
Dance in the street
Talk to the mail carrier
Listen to the birds
Put up a swing
Help carry something heavy
Barter for your goods and services
Start a tradition
Ask a question
Hire young people for odd jobs
Organize a block party
Bake/Cook extra and share
Ask for help when you need it
Open your shades
Sing together
Share your skills
Take back the night
Turn up the music
Turn down the music
Listen before you react in anger
Mediate a conflict
Seek to understand
Learn from new and uncomfortable angles
Know that no one is silent though many are not heard. Work to change this.
To this list I would add…
Talk to the homeless
Sweep the front sidewalk
Park in your driveway instead of your garage
Put free stuff on the curb
Make and deliver collections for those less fortunate: canned goods, shoes, books, etc
She got the list from a site called 
