When a family splits, the trauma often reverberates for years, as family members struggle to adapt to a “new normal” of mom’s house, dad’s house, and new adult partners in the mix.

Austin writer Jennifer Newcomb Marine and her children’s stepmother,Carol Marine used their own experience around divorce and remarriage to write a book called Noone’s the Bitch; strengthening step families one mother/stepmother relationship at a time. If you are the mother or the step mother and you are seeking ways to create a bridge with the other woman in your child’s life, this book is definitely for you.

Starting this week, Jennifer is hosting a 6 week tele-conference, called Transformation Labs, for women seeking solutions for their own step-family relationships. Says Jennifer, “Creating a bridge enabled us to cobble the family nest back together again. It took time and sometimes we still go backwards, but we have created a foundation that is strong and durable. Now our kids have three adults in their lives who are on the same page, clucking and fretting over them, together. I know they feel loved. They have told me they feel heard.”

If you are in a stepfamily, or know someone who is, and want to learn how to build more connection into it all,  check out the work of Jennifer and Carol.

We interrupt your summer to bring you this important bit of information…

I’m doing a little summer reading over here. Some light stuff you know. This one in my hand is called Stop Arguing with Your Kids: how to win the battle of wills by making your child feel heard. It’s got some great information in it and it is especially pertinent in our household as we segue from school to summer. It’s stuff we might have known but need a bit of a reminder on. Big transitions call for refreshing the toolbox.

The section I’m currently working on is chapter 2: The Five Steps of Responsive Listening. In quick review, here they are:

1. At the first sign of an argument, check the impulse to argue back with your child and concentrate instead on listening to the child’s feelings.
2. Invite your child’s thoughts, feelings, and wishes – without defending or disagreeing (and to this I add, without judging)
3. Repeat the child’s position in your own words to show what you think he or she is thinking and feeling.
4. Ask the child to correct your impression or elaborate on his or her point of view.
5. Take time out to consider your decision – on minor matters by puasing before responding with our decision, or for more difficult situations by saying that you’ll talk more about it later.

Okay, now back to your summer. I wish you all a little peace in your own summer days. With less yelling and more enjoyable being. Together.

There’s a lot happening this time of year. Lots of parties and plans and presents and people and possibly travel and more. Last year Carrie and I were sitting around with a circle of friends and talking about the holiday season that was about to begin. There were some moans from the crowd about the obligations, the shoulds, the shopping, and the have-to’s and the like.  And we all realized something had to change.

We shifted the conversation towards what we wanted this time of year to look and feel like. How did we want it to go. What were the things we were seeking from this holiday season that came to us every year without fail.

We wanted connection with friends and family. We wanted rituals and traditions with meaning to us and to our families. We wanted the chance to celebrate life and to ring in the new year with joy and celebration – as opposed to dread and dissatisfaction.

From that conversation we created the Slow Family class called Creating YOUR Slow Holiday. It’s a great class and we’ve since run it a few times as both an in-person class and a teleclass. It’s gotten rave reviews and reports have come back that it is truly an effective tool for evoking change and creating holidays that feel full, joyful and satisfying too.

From that class we’ve created the Creating YOUR Slow Holiday e*book which you can now download from our shop. It’s 15 pages packed with questions, ideas, inspiration and suggestions for ways to shift your holidays from fear and loathing to true and meaningful comfort and joy.

But don’t just take our word for it. (although our word is pretty darn good) You can read here what folks are saying.

Parenting for a Peaceful World, written by Robin Grille, is a book for parents who want to learn to get inside their parenting with true compassion and understanding of both their children and of themselves. It is for child health professionals who want to gain insight into every infant and child, and even adult, they encounter. It is for adults who want to gain insight into their whole selves again and indeed, the whole self of every person they meet.

This book is nothing short of a manifesto for policy-makers, teachers, community leaders, and anyone who wants to deepen their connection to themselves and humanity as a whole. If the findings outlined in these pages are put into practice, the result may be a revolution of peace, humanity, and a world beyond our imagining.  And it can all begin in ourselves and in our very own families.

During our time together we will:
* Examine the whys of who we are
* Discuss the book
* Explore how our own early experiences influence what we believe about ourselves and how we parent
* Share some of the messiness and joys of parenting today
* Learn and practice mindfulness techniques that will help reduce stress and model good emotional health and regulation to partners and children

Time: 7-9pm
Dates: Every Wednesday for six classes starting July 29th
Cost: $250/person or $450/couple
Location: 919B Cardinal Lane Austin TX 78704

This is for mothers and fathers with children of all ages who are ready to explore and create new understandings of themselves, their children and their world in general.

Click here if you are registering as an individual.

Click here if you are registering as a couple.

Please contact Carrie at carrie@earlyparenting.com or 512-694-7794 if you have any questions.

…is here!! This is the all new version and vastly improved Slow Family Living handbook complete with tips, tools, ideas and practical ways you can slow down, connect and truly enjoy family life. This 33 page booklet loaded with questions and information, has got the whys, the ways and the how-to’s for the typical sticky points of family life. And a list of 100 things you can do to truly savor the lusciousness of your connected family life.

We love TED talks. We especially love TED talks when they are about slow living. Check out our friend and inspiration Carl Honore, author of  In Praise of Slowness and Under Pressure: Rescuing our children from the cult of hyper parenting giving his TED talk.

Click here to view it.

Maybe one day we’ll give a TED talk…

Want to know the what, why and how of parenting? Or why you parent the way you parent? Or why your parents parented the way they parented? Want to raise emotionally balanced children and at the same time find your own emotional balance? Want to boost your child’s self esteem? Be a more playful parent? Connect, talk and listen to your child? Here are a few books to get you started. Some are old, some are new and all highly recommended and incredibly valuable …

The Science of Parenting by Margot Sunderland

Your Child’s Self Esteem by Dorothy Corkille Briggs

Between Parent and Child by Dr. Haim Ginott

Parenting for a Peaceful World by Robin Grille

Heart to Heart Parenting by Robin Grille

Playful Parenting by Lawrence J. Cohen, PhD

I’m reading Your Child’s Self-Esteem by Dorothy Corkille Briggs. I’ve said it before and I’m sure I’ll say it again, but truly this is perhaps the best parenting book I’ve read so far. And trust me, I’ve read a lot! She is speaking my language loud and clear — slow down, tune into your children, understand where they are in their development, recognize that as a parent you are seeing your children through the “haze of filters born of our past experiences, personal needs and cultural values”.

Another reason I love this book, beyond the fabulous ideas and amazing examples, is the fact that it was published in 1970. And as a result, the children in the examples have names like Gladys and Larry and Marlene and Bertha. How many baby Gladys’ have you heard about lately?

Here’s an excerpt that speaks to the heart of Slow Family Living:

Do you focus so much on doing things for your child that you forget to focus on him as a person? Do you rush so fast to bake the cookies, sew clothes, make money for his education that you overlook him?

Or do you take time out-in those small moments when he brings a feeling or thought, or during a special time he can count on-to be fully open to him? You answer this question every day by your behavior. You can lose sight of the wonder of your child if you attend habitually to activities, the past, or the future, rather than his “particularness” at this moment.

Ahhhhh, music to my ears.

A special thanks to the fabulous mama of my friend Matt, Dr. Marcia Kinsey, who gave me this book along with Haim Ginott’s classic Between Parent and Child. She was certainly a mama way ahead of her time.

Check out these books. They’re total goodness.