I was talking with a friend last night who has two daughters in the tween set. They have just begun, in earnest, their fall schedule of lessons, teams, exercise and social time. A glance at the calendar shows not a lot of room during the week for much else.
For a while she was lamenting how busy they all were. A couple nights a week they were eating dinner late. Some days they were heading out after school in a dash towards a class or a group. Time was definitely dished out in small, scheduled doses. And she was feeling a little frazzled.
They had a little family meeting and looked at all they were doing. And as they examined each activity and its merits, they all came to the realization that each thing they were doing was a passion and a completely conscious choice. The lessons, the teams, the social activities and the exercise. There were no half-baked feelings in the mix. And not one activity that any of them wanted to eliminate.
So my friend decided right then and there that what needed to shift was not their schedule, but her attitude. Rather than walk around lamenting how busy they all were, she exulted in the fullness of their life. When one daughter was at a lesson, she seized the moment to take a slow, chatty walk with another. When the other was immersed in practice, she took the chance to connect with the other over homework or a hot chocolate at a cafe. And when they were all sitting down to dinner at 7:30 instead of 6:00, she rejoiced in the fact that the four of them were sitting down to dinner together.
Sometimes slow family living isn’t about cutting back on activities. Or emptying the calendar. It is about taking the pause and asking yourself, “Is this working?” And whatever the answer, it is about finding the connection in it all. For it is that connection that will sustain a family for now when the kids are young and at home, and for years down the road when the children are grown maybe even raising families of their own.
And it is about taking the time to slow down, connect and enjoy the family life you are living.
3 Comments to 'Is life too busy or just full?'
October 14, 2009
Amen, my friend. You said it better than I coulda…
October 16, 2009
So many things can be reframed. A few years back I noticed the shift in my role, and that I had become ‘chauffeur’. Initally I balked at the amount of running around, and especially the inefficiency of it all sometimes (driving loops around Austin because of timing and logistics). Then I decided to quietly accept. I thought, after 6-7 more years my oldest will be probably be moving on in her life, and this is my time with her. This is our time. My girls love the things they do, are passionate, motivated, dedicated. They work hard. I feed, and drive. I started to see my time in the car with them as precious. I got essential oils that burn in the cigarette lighter. I printed songbooks of random songs we like to sing. Christmas carols at the right time too. We harmonize now, and spontaneously create melodies and parodies of our lives. I submitted, and in not resisting found ways to enjoy this unique phase of parenting. I didn’t push it, didn’t start it too soon, didn’t force anyone to do something or feel like I had to keep up with the right extracurricular. They reached for it, and like I always have, I find a way be nearby to help.
October 20, 2009
Laura, that is so beautiful. I love that last line and all it signifies, “They reached for it, and like I always have, I find a way to be nearby to help.” Thanks for that.
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