I love Valentines Day. And I love making cards. I love sending letters. And I love a good girls’ night out! So what better way to celebrate all of these things than with a Valentines Girls’ Craft Night out!!!  If you’re in Austin, come join me on Saturday February 4th from 4:30pm-9:30pm in South Austin at a beautiful place called the Writing Barn. We’ll craft and stitch and stamp and fold and collage. I’ll have writing prompts full of love and we’ll eat and drink whilst we craft and talk of love and many other splendored things.

Here’s the link for more info…

I have realized lately that I love Valentines Day just about more than any other holiday. It brings together so many of the things that are so important to me – appreciation, crafts, letter writing, chocolate and all done in the name of love.  What’s not to love?

I’m not talking the commercial celebration of it all – the guilt, the obligatory rose, the holy crap I don’t have a gift to give kind of feeling.

I’m talking the heart of it all. The sharing of the expression of love. The letting people know just how much they are appreciated and valued and loved. Truly loved. No other strings necessary or attached. Love is where the heart is. The heart is where the love is.

I’ve decided this year I am going to extend the holiday to be more than just a day. I’m going to stretch it into an entire season starting, well, starting now I guess. I have dug out the necessary paper, scissors and glue. I am clearing a place on our table which will be active for the next 3 weeks at least. We are going to make cards and we are going to write love letters to each other and to family members spread around the country.

If Christmas can be extended like it is, why not Valentines Day? Starting today I’m going to write one love letter a day in an effort to spread the love. I’m going to start with my own family under my own roof then I’m going to send them far and wide. And perhaps the beauty of love is, giving it is just as much fun as getting it. Gotta love that!

It’s the time of year for thank-you notes! A habit I love to model and encourage in my children. And one that I know isn’t always that easy to do – especially when there are so many to say thanks to and so much to be thankful for! Sometimes those lists just feel overwhelming. To me and to the kids.

This year we have a new way of doing them. A way that not only says thanks but encourages family connection as well. Read about it on Future Craft Collective and then gather the family for a little collaborative gratitude session!

I get this reminder rather frequently these days. Right now I’m being walloped with it. Time flies.

My baby is turning 5. Wasn’t he just born? My oldest is looking at high schools. Didn’t she just learn how to read? My mom is thinking of selling her house because she’s 86 and a half and it’s a lot of house. Didn’t she just get it how she wants it? And my calendar is nearing it’s last page of the year. Wait. What?

So in these continuous messages I am trying to catch my breath. Really and truly trying to breathe through it all very thoughtfully, consciously, intentionally. I am slowing down at yellow lights rather than trying to rush ahead. I am turning off the phone in the evenings. I am looking my family members in the eye. And I am very mindfully giving lots and lots of heart to heart hugs. Every morning when I greet my family for the first time. Big hug. Throughout the day when we encounter each other in the kitchen, the livingroom, the back yard, big hugs. And at the end of the day before bed the goodnights are deep and thoughtful and we really, really look each other in the eye. There you are. I see you. You see me too.

Because as fast as everything seems to be going, one thing we’ve definitely got is now. Right now. So I want to make sure I show up.

Especially this last page of the calendar. Which can sometimes take on a life of its own.

Oh, there you are. I see you. You see me.

I have really been examining my listening skills lately. Realizing in that examination that often I am either distracted or I try to talk my kids and partner out of what they’re feeling or wanting or needing. Really. A little song, dance, explanation or solution to get them back to happy. Even when they don’t want a fix, I offer it. Even when they’re really just venting, I try to convince them that it’s not true what they’re experiencing or feeling. Even when they don’t need me to do anything but just be there and listen, I tend to talk, offer solutions and ideas. Sometimes on top of their own words. Too many words. Too much noise. Too much input.

I’ve always been a talker, that much is true.  I even have a certificate from 8th grade proving it: MOST TALKATIVE. As if that wasn’t enough there is another one right behind it: CLASS CLOWN. A dangerous combination in the classroom has become even more treacherous in the home.

But I’m trying to change that.

Not that I’m going to get all quiet and serious. Hell no. But I am going to try to shut it a bit more when my family is talking. I am going to try to just let the good members of my family vent, share, talk, express and even ramble a little bit. (Is that a judgment? the ramble part?) It has taken me a long time to learn/realize that when they are talking, for the most part they’re not really seeking input. Rather they just want a sounding board. And with all of them, from the nearly 5 year old on up to the 45 year old partner, the more I let them talk, the more I listen, the more I learn and the more they eventually come to their own conclusions about what they want/need/feel. Without any help from their armchair psychologist/class clown of a mother/partner.

It’s kind of hard for me but in the end it’s really way easier. And it’s good for me to have a daily goal. And in the end too there are/will be far fewer arguments, hurt feelings, misunderstandings and the like. And there are/will be far more own conclusions and remedies for what is ailing them.

There are lots of words for it: empathic listening, active listening, responsive listening, reflective listening. And there are lots of amazing books on it and experts. But really, what it boils down to for me is presence to the people I’m with and the task at hand. In this case the people being family and the task being to just be there. Pure and simple.

I went into a department store the other day in search of a punching balloon for a papier mache pinata we are making. The Halloween decorations were out. Which makes sense. And right behind them were the Christmas decorations. Garland, stockings, tree stands and more. Really. In the beginning of October. And I breathed in. Out. And realized it was time once again to set some intentions for how it could/should/would be for our family.

Rather than panic I took it as a reminder that the holidays were coming and if I wanted them to be peaceful and easy, which I do, now might be a good time to start pondering what they might look like.

Over the past few years we, as a family, have honed in on what we want our holidays to look like. What we want to do. Where we want to go. And most importantly, how we want them to feel. For us the holidays are full of making stuff, day trips, family hikes, packages mailed and treats created. Because, regardless of our beliefs, the holidays come at us from every direction in every form. And if we’re not clear about what we DO want, we are bombarded by what we don’t want. And I don’t think I need to go into detail about what that looks like.

In light of all of this, we created a workbook a couple of years ago to help families figure out not just what they don’t want, but what they DO want. How do we want it to feel? What are the pieces we want to incorporate and how can we get where we want to be as the holidays come our way.

Because goodness knows, they definitely come our way whether we are ready or not.

If you’d like to set some intentions for your upcoming holiday season and make your holidays feel more aligned with your family life, this Creating Your Slow Holiday workbook might be for you. Check it out. Answer the questions and then let us know what pieces worked for you. What changes are you going to implement? We’d love to know.

USA Today had a big story yesterday about slowing things down for your family. They touched on some of the points such as cutting out some of the excess activities and really putting the connection in place now so that you can have connection down the road.

Read it yourself and let me know what you think…‘Slow
family’ movement focuses on fewer outside activities – USATODAY.com

Today I worked 12 hours away from the home. These past couple of weeks actually I’ve been  taken  away from the home for long stretches. Fortunately I have a good support team at home, including our newest 24 year old family member who is staying with us for a while which I won’t go too deeply into but I will say, if you ever get a chance to welcome in a 20-something family member into your home when you’ve got youngins in the house, you should LEAP at the chance. It is heaven for us all. But I digress, and I am back to being away for long times.  And back to tonight.

Tonight I got home just before bed. And even though I hadn’t seen everyone all day, we found a little nugget of slow and connection and it was enough to make it so that the end of the night felt full up instead of drained. Really.

After bed prep and papers looked at and teeth brushed and the like we all just laid in the big bed together. Well, I say all, but really me and three of the four. And we talked. Shared our highs and lows and just sort of rolled around. Bedtime was a little later than usual but not much and by the time I tucked them all in, they were all feeling seen. And heard. And I was feeling connected – which I was not when I came into the house just before. And it wasn’t anything huge. Or earth shattering. It was really just a settling into where we were at that very moment in time. Together. In that bed. In that room. In this house. On this earth. That’s all.

And then that magical meditation on the side of the bed and goodnight kids.

Sometimes it just works. Sometimes we are able to find the connection in even the smallest of moments. Tonight was one of those nights. And for that I am oh so grateful.

I’ll take slow where I can get it.

I’ve been struggling lately with bedtime for the 4 year old. Well, 4 and 5/6ths  actually. On the very tangible cusp of 5 and feeling it in a big, big way.

I was sharing that info with my dear friend and co-author, Kathie. We have been sharing parenting tales, ideas and inspirations for years. Who would know she had yet another trick up her sleeve. Here’s what she does…

At the end of the bedtime ritual, when the teeth have been brushed and the jammies on and the stories read, she dims the lights and sets her timer for 15 minutes. All is quiet. Kids are tucked and all the needs have been met (or denied!). She told her kids that she would stay in the room for that period as long as all was calm and quiet. While they drift off, she gets in her daily 15 minutes of meditation. Or breathing. Or stillness. Or whatever you want to call it. And it works. And everyone gets what they need.

She gets her time. They get her presence.

Before I extolled its virtues I decided to give it a try with my 4 almost 5 year old. We read our nightly story. Then his one last trip to the bathroom. Lights dimmed. Snuggle up. Kiss goodnight. Timer set. 15 minutes.

It worked. It works. It’s working. And I love it! Because before I would try to get those 15 minutes in at my own bedtime during which time I’d be really exhausted and rather than linger in it and enjoy it, it felt like a burden. And this way it feels like a treat. And I leave the room feeling full rather than drained. A total victory for me.

And he loves it! A last little connect before sleep for him. Full of love instead of angst.

And we all lived happily ever after.

Thanks to Kathie and her brilliant ideas.

For those of you in Austin, have you ever been to West Cave Preserve? It’s not a hang out in the sense of Hamilton Pool or Blue Hole. It’s more of a sanctuary, a preserve which has been taken back from the depths of many years of abuse and litter and rough housing by our fellow humans.

If you have been there you know how valuable it is to preserve the beautiful grotto hung with ferns and dripping with cool, clear water around, in and under the rock cave. You know how amazing it is to see the plants coming back to life because of the tender care of the keepers of the preserve. And you know how unfathomable it is to think that not long ago it was strewn with litter, cans, bottles and other cast-off detritus.

West Cave is, in a word, magical. And if you have a chance to join in one of their weekend tours, I highly recommend it. And if you are free on October 2nd and want to take a nice slow walk around Lady Bird Lake with hundreds of other proponents of all things wellness, read on…

Westcave Preserve is one of 15 partners chosen to participate in the Michael & Susan Dell Foundation’s inaugural Be Well Walk, which is scheduled for Sunday, October 2, 2011, at 4 p.m. at Longhorn Shores on Lady Bird Lake. Come walk with us and help support Westcave and a healthier Austin!! To register simply click here… It should be a super fun walk in the park!